Tracy's Story: Survivor, Not A Victim

I believe the thing that makes me a Beautiful Disaster is all of my past trauma I have endured in my life. I have had an eating disorder when I was a teen and continue to be on the edge with that. I also was in a relationship and married to a very abusive man. I endured physical, and emotional mental abuse from him for my entire relationship with him. He is a classic narcissist. 

I identify with Beautiful Disaster because that is how I feel about myself now. I believe that there are many women who can identify with your brand. I believe every woman has gone through something whether it be a relationship, body image, depression or just self doubt. 

I feel like my life has just been one bad thing after enough another. I feel that the abuse I suffered for so many years has only contributed to my mental status. I have PTSD, anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. In turn, that makes me have to push myself every day to go on. Each day is a new struggle for me to overcome.

What turned my life around was the last time my ex-husband threw something at me, became physical with me and locked me out of my house. For me that was the final straw. After many years of contemplating how I was going to leave him and worried about how I would survive I finally had enough. I finally decided that I was getting out of that relationship no matter what. So, I filed for a divorce, lived separate in my basement, sleeping on a couch for a year, before I could actually leave. He made my life a hell for the past two years fighting everything with me and costing me so much money in lawyer fees. In the end, my settlement was all spent on lawyer fees and my house. Any belongings that I was supposed to be entitled to take I was unable to take because of the time of year. In the six weeks prior to me moving out, he assaulted me yet again which resulted in emergency protection order and restraining order so that I could leave. I might add that the police had been called many times throughout our relationship, but charges were only laid once and at the time I was young, so he talked me out of them. And, as any abuse victim, I believed that it was my fault and that I deserved it. I should have left the situation right there and then, but did not.

In the last 12 years of our relationship, I went back to school to become an LPN which was close to the time I was turning 38. I work in acute care in a hospital. I have moved to my own house and have been attending counsellor appointments online and in person and try to work on myself each day. I try to run often, as I also have autoimmune conditions and this helps with that as well as well as my mental health. I try to deal with my pass the best I can and try to be honest with myself and my health professionals. I am currently on a leave from work due to the situation that I left. I need to take care of myself before I can start taking care of patients again.

I like all of your collections, but my favorite T-shirt that I own is probably my Beautiful Fucking Disaster. That is my favorite collection. I would love to have another item from that collection. When people see me wearing that shirt that know what I have endured throughout my life they understand why that is my favorite shirt.

I appreciate the fact that you empower women to look at themselves as a Beautiful Disaster rather than some mental case or as a victim. As victimized as I’ve been throughout my life, I am a survivor not a victim. Women that I’ve gone through a tumultuous journey need to always look at the bright side of things, there can always be a better outcome if we look for it and want it.