Leslie's Story: My Pain Fires My Ferocity

My pain fires my ferocity, feeds my determination, reminds me that I was terribly broken and from the ashes, I am soaring high, living for today, living for myself.

I am a Beautiful Disaster.

I am honored to be part of tribe of women who have fallen but are standing tall,  stronger and wiser. I have had a few punishing relationships, verbal and physical abuse but these, which I could control and change, made me into the fierce warrior I am today.  

I have had many adventures, many teaching chapters. I am going to entertain you with the last chapter, when I lost the ability to contribute to society, I was robbed of being able to work. I am a 51 year old aggressive extrovert, single, very funny and determined to be the life of the party again.

It has been somewhat of a shitshow this last decade ... Hold on!!

This adventure was out of my control to the most extent. . .

In 2004, my dreams came true. I owned a very successful gym in my hometown with over 1000 members. I looked after Personal Training, teaching Spin Class, maintaining cleanliness, keeping equipment safe, obtaining purple belt in Jiu Jitsu and overall operations of Elite Fitness. We were the home of several IFBB body building goddesses and well integrated in our community with volunteering, being involved in our town events, assisting with Terry Fox runs, Party on the Dock and Toy Rides.

2008 changed my life .. The proverbial wrench .. My lumbar spine broke resulting in me having to sell my 7500sq.ft. building and my dream, elite fitness. I couldn't oversee the business as I was out of order. My first spinal surgery was a failure. Surgeon perforated my spinal cord in two places allowing cerebral spinal fluid to leak out. This causes many implications including death like symptoms. I had to remain in hospital on my back for 21 days. 

I was then released and remained horizontal for several weeks. I had to learn how to walk as my left foot now dropped with every step. I suffered for 3 years knowing the metal was moving in my spine. 13 rejections from surgical referrals as no one wants to mess with another surgeon's disaster. Unfortunately, doctors in Canada only practice medicine so suing for error and loss of employment and living was not an option.

2011 - I finally located a neurosurgeon who would investigate my complaints. He found the screws holding the brackets and rod in place were actually inserted into my sciatic nerves not into bones as required. My spinal cord was still leaking CSF.

2011 - Another spinal surgery. This was more successful with placement of hardware. As a result from the first surgery, I suffered immense pain and was immobilized for almost 10 years. I was on a steady regiment of opiates pain killers and antidepressants. 

I have been on suicide watch several times due to side effects of some meds. I suffer from seizures, intense migraines and am unable to work or dance like I used to. These are only a few of my ailments. 

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY:

I am opiate free. I researched and found new and non addictive pain management. It certainly is not as effective as Fentanyl or Morphine, but my mind is clear and I am functioning better in society. I am still unable to work, I have frequent seizures, debilitating migraines and live in chronic pain. (https://centrial.org/)

My life is almost mine to decide what to do with and I am getting back to my favorite place, the center of attention. The positive and inspirational post cards and clothing collections I believe are composed for me, they say exactly what I feel, how I have conquered, how it is okay to stumble and rise again. 

I am a motivational speaker who was put on the top shelf for too long . . . I am now in the midst of things trying to do what I do best, help others. I am in the process of having my right arm tattooed into an uplifting inspirational sleeve designed with my favorite notes from BD so that anyone can feel the power from something so simply stated.

I look forward to expanding my collection of wares and wears from BD. My bestie Peggy Dixer and I wear YOU everywhere!! My favorite BD item well outfit ... Ma toque ... I just love the texture and weight of the hat!

Watch out, chick with determined attitude is in da house!! Hope you like Sunday Smiles picture ... A few strawberry wines and sunshine. I enjoy sharing my life, my experiences.  Maybe it will help someone become the Beautiful Disaster she truly is.