Tonya Sweat: Part Of Her Died With Her Mom.
My name is Tonya, and I absolutely LOVE your clothing line!!! So I wanted to share my beautiful disaster story with you. I’m 38, and a mother of 4 amazing children, ages 1, 3, 12, and 14!!! I work in in-home health care. I’m getting ready to file for divorce after being in a marriage of 5 years.
In October of 2016, my moms health began to decline rapidly. She was a 10 year breast cancer survivor. She was in and out of the hospital multiple times a week, on life support in the ICU many times. I lived an hour away from her, but drove up to St.Louis daily with all 4 of my kids, to be with her. My mom and I were best friends!!! She cut my first borns cord!!!
She helped me raise my two oldest, she actually referred to them as her kids lol. So for 6 months, my children and I watched her slowly die. Her fourth time on life support was her last time. I remember getting the call from my aunt, her twin, telling me that the doctor wanted her and I to come have a meeting about her health. I knew exactly what that meant. So I drove to st.Louis, and the doctor told us that she was done fighting, she had no more quality of life left. And that it was time to move her to another room in the hospital to comfort measures until she passed. So I packed my bags, called my husband home from work, he works on the tugboats, out on the river for months at a time. And me, and my moms two sisters went to the hospital, and that’s where we stayed for 3 days.
The night before she passed, I remember counting her breaths per minute, and when it got down to 3 breaths a minute, I called my brother and told him he needed to come say goodbye. At that time her oxygen level was lingering in the 70’s. After my brother came, and said his goodbyes, it started dipping down into the 60’s. I knew that once it hit the 50’s, that was it. I fell asleep in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand. I woke up at 5:30 am, and looked over at the oxygen level and it started going down. I remember when it hit 50, I woke my two aunts up and them, “It’s time, she’s going” after her oxygen hit 50, it went down at a steady pace. I remember the pit in my stomach, and the numbness that took over my whole body.
My aunt, her twin, climbed into bed with her and said “We came in this world together, I’m not letting her go alone” and she payed there and cuddled my mom until she took her last breath. I didn’t let go of my moms hand, when she took her last breath, I laid my head on her hand, and cried the hardest most painful cry that I’ve ever cried. Part of my heart died with my mom that day. April 6th 2017. She was only 60 years old. After her death, my daughter, who’s cord she cut, went through a really bad depression, she tried to kill herself twice, and she began cutting herself. She had an unbelievable bond with my mom, and part of my daughters heart died the day my mom died too.
After my moms death, my panic and anxiety went through the roof, I was on 4 medications just for the panic and anxiety, one of them being Xanax. Which I became addicted to. I felt like I was just spiraling downward. And my heart was breaking into a million pieces watching my daughter hurt, not being able to fix it, not being able to take the pain away.
Well, I’m the past few months, my daughter has been slowly getting back to herself, and I have been able to come off of two of the panic and anxiety medications, including the Xanax that I was addicted to!!! But now, my marriage is failing. But, me and my kids WILL be ok, we have a strong bond together, and together we will get through all of the craziness that life throws our way!!!!
I’ve attached a few pictures of my two most recent tattoos on each wrist, just to show how much I love your brand!!! Thank you for taking the time to listen to why I’m a beautiful disaster 💯❤️💔