Rene's Story

Rene's Story

My name is Rene.  

I am the daughter of an extremely controlling and narcissistic father.  No matter how hard I tried I was never good enough.  Constantly told, "It's a good thing you're smart because you're fat and you aren't very pretty."  I have spent my entire life struggling with my weight, my self worth and finding my own identity.  
As a young child I focused so much on being who my father expected me to be in order to avoid his wrath that my relationship with my mother became non-existent.  After my parents divorced my mother and I repaired what we had lost.....or so I thought.
3 years ago she died under hospice care in my home from cancer.  When my father found out he completely disowned me saying I had "finally chosen her" over him.  `2 years went by without so much as a word spoken between us.  I then received a phone call that they had found his body in a hotel and that he had committed suicide.  
Since then I have found out a lot of deep dark family secrets. They made a lot of things about my life make sense but also made me realize my entire life as I knew it was a lie.  I was left questioning even more so than before WHO AM I???  
The greatest thing I have realized in fighting through the anger is that I am a product of their pain.  They projected the consequences of their own lies, secrets and misery on me and I soaked it all up like a sponge just wanting to feel loved.
At one point in time I weighed 310lbs.  Realizing I was not only killing myself but was also repeating the cycle of projecting my pain on my children by wallowing in my past I decided to change the future.  I lost more than half my body weight, became a personal trainer and nutrition coach and have spent the last 10 years trying to help others reach their goals and feel good about themselves.  All the while still struggling to reach my own goals.
Since the death of my parents I have realized that as close as I get to my personal physical goals I continually sabotage myself because I start feeling like I don't deserve it.  I have since started focusing more on loving myself and trying to heal mentally.  It has not only helped ME but it has made me better for my clients as I encourage them to do the same.  We have to love ourselves no matter where we are in our journey.  If we don't we will still struggle to be happy even when we reach our destination.
My favorite piece of Beautiful Disaster clothing is my "Hating me won't make you pretty" sweatshirt.  I refuse to allow others to make me feel bad about myself by projecting their pain and misery onto me any longer.
This picture can be found on my personal instagram @eastinrene as well as on my @graceglutesgrind account that I finally had the courage to start. 
Grace because none of us are perfect and we must learn to love ourselves! Glutes because movement is a blessing and we need to start thinking of our bodies as the temples they are.  Grind because we all have different struggles we fight through and it's okay to talk about them!!  
I love the attitude of Beautiful Disaster!  We all have a story.  If we could stop comparing our covers and really listen to the words we would find that we are all connected.  Finding unity through our struggles is healing!!

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Comments

Monie Burns 15 days ago

I had a narcissistic father too who committed suicide. I get it. Those of us who come from narcissistic parents are gaining in number it seems. And you can’t have one without the abuse. The stories are all similar and I’m so sick of these people. How hard is it to be human for God’s sake? Thank you for sharing, Renee, and kudos to you for keeping your eye on the prize. You’re an inspiration to us all!

Karen Marcotte February 10 2021

I never knew there was so many of us, but I’m so glad to be a part of thus tribe, ever since I have, I’ve been happier and that’s awesome, find myself smiling more, beautiful disaster clothing helps me thru a lot, and I’ll wear my beautiful disaster clothing by my attitude that day, love it
Thank you
Much love
Karen

Karianne Bottini February 9 2021

Thank you Renee! #BEAUTIFULDAISTERTRIBEROCKS we can and will always be survivors!

Karianne Bottini February 9 2021

Thank you Renee! #BEAUTIFULDIASTERTRIBEROCKS we can and will always be survivors!

Robin from Indy February 8 2021

I to have had a hard life and still do but I’m a strong woman who hopes someday I’ll be happy loved your story it mad me feel that I’m not alone.

jenn mclachlan February 8 2021

im new to the tribe. one thing for sure no one here is alone. please keep sharing

Michelle February 7 2021

I to am damaged by parents . Your story helps everyone have hope . Sometimes I retreat back to those feelings of disgust with myself . But my life is calm now . I started riding Harley LOL …. and that gave me the mind set that maybe I can do anything !
Every day is better ….. sometimes we need to take it day by day ….sometimes hour by hour …. and at our most anxious moments ….. minute by minute .
You are beautiful .

Jaimy lombardi February 7 2021

Renee thank you for sharing your story Very inspirational I had a great childhood I am so blessed although my self-esteem has never been good I’d also have dealt with a weight problem my whole life as I get older I realize how much it’s weighing me down no pun intended at 45 years old I’m still having a hard time loving myself

Christine February 7 2021

Thank you Rene for sharing your story.

It spoke to my soul, as the story of my father is very similar. However he also tried to break my mother and siblings as well in his sick way. He almost succeeded in completely breaking me. He is since passed and lots of internal work has been done. That aside, you are amazing! You bring bring hope and strength to your clients while strengthening yourself and healing and that is priceless! Thank you for sharing ♥️ and thank you BD for giving women a safe outlet to tell there story!

Kim Snyder February 7 2021

Rene I appreciate your story. You have done a remarkable job of telling a full drama into a meaningful story to share. I also believe that you have to have yourself in line in order to help others. You are doing a wonderful act as a personal trainer. Thank you, and I wish you all the best!

Sheri Bailey February 7 2021

Rene
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate. You are beautiful no what. Don’t ever accept different, it’s women like you that keep us going!! 💯 xoxo

Janeen February 7 2021

Thank you for sharing your story and your struggles you are beautiful inside and out and have plenty
Of women in your corner !! Keep going with pain comes strength that’s what I believe and I live by !!!

Beth Clark February 7 2021

Thank you for sharing your story. I read all these beautiful women’s stories and think mine isn’t that bad. But yes we all have our own struggles and stories. Even if some aren’t “as bad” as others we all have one. And I am still trying to find myself. I’m working on it slowly. And one day I will be ready to tell it. But for now thank you for sharing yours. 🤗❤️