CLOTHING FOR THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
Rebecca Lingenfelter - A lover, Nurturer, AND SURVIVOR.
September 18 2020
September 18 2020
First let me start by saying, THANK YOU!!! thank you so much for making a brand that truly helps me tell people that I AM A SURVIVOR!!!! I have purchased from you every chance I can get.
I was a good kid of a drug addict. My father raised me and for the longest time I thought sun rose and set with him. I got pregnant at 13 and had my son at 14 all while my dad and my step-mom were doing their own thing. They were addicted to meth. Fast forward to when I was 17. My dad and step-mom left myself, my son and my sister (my step sister), with a friend of theirs for a month with nothing but the clothes on our backs. She finally told me that she couldn't do it anymore we were all in her 1 bedroom apartment and she told me either I would need to call in children services or she would, so I did! Children services moved us to Ohio where I still reside. From there I began my own cycle of bouncing from one toxic relationship to the next.
I had my 2nd baby at 18 and then another at 21. Their dad was an addict. He smoked crack and would do anything to get it, We were together for 5 years and I finally had enough. I walked away sounds easy, right? Not exactly. When I walked away from him, then Devil himself walked right in to my life. That is a name I personally gave to him, The Devil. He roped me right in. He made me believe that true love really existed. The Devil loved me and was amazing with my kids. He was perfect, for about a year and then it all changed. He became addicted to cocaine. He would beat me for no reason. If he was broke with no money to get his drugs, I was in for it. He raped me. He took every ounce of me and left me empty. He made me use with him. He would threaten to kill me if I didn't. He then made me start breaking into garages with him to feed his hunger. I tried to get away so many times and he would find me. We ended up getting caught and doing a little time.
I was a first offender of course he was not. when we got out of course he found me and I ended up sucked right back in (without the drugs and stealing). now I was working. The last straw was when he knocked me out and I came to and looked up into my baby's eyes. I knew at that moment it was life or death I HAD to get away. every other time I made excuses for him. he always made me feel like it was my fault, like I caused it. I could never understand that it was his fault not mine that he was the sick one not me. since him, I have had a hard time learning to love myself. I gained a lot of weight and I am trying to lose it now. we were together for 8 years. that after 8 years of endless beatings, mental abuse, trauma caused to me and my children, countless rapes, but I survived. I am still here to tell my story. I am fighting.
I am trying to re-teach my son that love is not a weakness it is a strength. He has turned away from emotion because of all the pain he watched me endure. I am fighting to drop the weight as my last hope in completely getting him out of my life. I forgave him, not for him but for me. There is so much more to this story that would take a lot longer to write, this is just a piece to allow you some hope. I will never allow someone to take me so low that I have to look up to see hell again, and neither should you. I am Becca. a 42 year old mother of 4 and grandmother of 3. A lover and a nurturer. I AM A SURVIVOR! I AM A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER!