Anonymous: Surviving Domestic Violence

Anonymous: Surviving Domestic Violence
I just want to start by saying PLEASE don't judge me. I've had enough of the judging from everyone including my last 2 therapist. No one wants me to talk about my abuse. My abuse was severe and I don't regret what I did to survive the person I call the Demon. Be kind to me. That is all I ask. This is just part of my store and I'm currently looking for a writer to write a book. I have 2 missions to complete. I want to help at least ONE domestic violence victim. I also want to have an investigation on this Demon. I still do not know who he is. I opted out on a picture. I do not feel pretty. YES its' the same city where the little boy Gabriel Hernandez was killed by his mother. Help is beyond reachable in the Antelope Valley. 
My story began in 1995 when I was just 19 years old. I met an older man named Pedro. I was struggling with child abuse and I confined in him. He was kind and was willing to help me. I told him I was not interested in a relationship with him. He said he already had a girlfriend. Rumors started spreading that he was my boyfriend and I keep confronting him which he denied. He would say that I was hearing things in my head and I needed to stop talking about it.
Earlier when I met him he claimed he was a US Citizen. He was a Pilipino man. I was absolutely not attracted to him what so ever. He rented a small apartment for my self only. He would come and check up on me and take me to the store for some shopping. I had nothing but I was happy and I felt like a million bucks. Slowly he would ask to sleep in the apartment. Which by the way he would sleep on the sofa he bought me.
One morning I woke up with him on top of me and his hands around my neck. His voice changed, his manners changed, his nice guy personality wasn't there anymore. He said I had to complete a job for him and he raped me. He was never a US Citizen and came here on a stolen identification. His lawyer advised him to get a US Citizenship. 
For months I was beaten, raped, starved, and mentally abused. I ended up at AV Hospital bleeding  almost to death. He pulled his nice charming personality on the staff and convinced a Pilipina nurse a lie that he didn't know what happened to me. I was in and out bleeding and ended up having a DNC. When I was getting to be discharged I beg the nurse to let me stay longer. I didn't want to leave the hospital. I was later released back to him. Still on the parking lot of the hospital he slapped me so hard and yelled on top of his lungs. He was so mad because according to one of the Pilipina nurses said that I mumbled HELP. She neglected to report it to the hospital.
Within days I was sitting in his immigration lawyers office. I heard the lawyer screaming at him telling me I was trouble and I should be dispose of. The young lady who worked at the office offered me a drink and the lawyer said not to be wasting his water on pigs. I sat there recovering from my DNC and had to take the insults from his lawyer.
I went through a lot and witnessed a lot. I did escaped a few times and went straight to the Sheriffs station. No one took me serious. I was told "You are crazy" " Are you on drugs" "Stop making accusations about someone" "Go home or I will arrested you" From several sheriff officers. The last 3 and a half years I lived in the closet. I was so terrified of him that I seriously thought I was going to die. He would scream in my face to kill myself. He would tell me he's taking me out in the desert to die. He would tell me that no one will attend my funeral. He would say that everyone will see him as a hero.
I decided to get strong and refused to become Jane Doe. I fought and fought! He told the police he was a victim and I was lying about everything. They believed him. At this point I realized that I was dealing with a narcissist. I do not regret fighting back at all.
YES I'm a bad ass!
YES I finally found my strength!
I had enough balls to walk out that front door and marched straight to the court house. I flled to get divorced. I left and he found me a week later. He went to my local Costco and charmed a Philipna lady to give him info on my new address. He is now banned from all Costco stores. 
I have gone through 3 therapist. My first one dealt with severe abuse and diagnosed me with stockholm syndrome. My last 2 therapist basically said there was something wrong with me and I should stop talking about my abuse. I will not stop talking about it. As a victim of domestic violence I have every right to speak up as long as it's truthful. He came still come after me but I will not let him abuse me anymore. The only strong support I have is ME. I might be broken inside but I'm a bad ass from the outside. The immigration didn't help me. The sheriffs didn't help me. AV Hospital didn't help me. The laws didn't help me. I helped myself. For every lie he says I will drag the truth with it. 
Fighting to stop domestic abuse will always be my mission.

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Comments

Manon September 28 2020

Just speak your truth sweetie and never ever let anybody in your life that doesn’t treat you like the Queen you are… you deserve love and nothing less!

Adrienne September 28 2020

I too was abused and locked in closets, raped and I was told he’s my husband, it’s not rape when it’s consenting between husband and wife. He said he was going to a therapist but I’m the one who was put in therapy because he had them convinced I was a hysterical, disturbed person. I wasn’t allowed outside to get mail. We had no phone. That was 20 years ago.

I was also abused from 11-16 and repeatedly raped and abused by my brother and his friends.

I’ve had back surgery where they said I’d never walk again, I had a child with my hubby of 20 years. I wasn’t supposed to have children. I just had a hysterectomy after years of fighting for one. It’s been a long road and I wanted (and did) want to play dead and end it sometimes. Just roll over and shrivel up.

But I didn’t. I made it. I reinvented myself several times, but nothing even stuck that I could believe in not just emotionally but to mentally too. I still struggle. I’m feeling pretty somedays and I know I have a beautiful heart!

I’ve climbed from the sludge and buried that pile. Come take my hand and I’ll walk with you ladies!!

Roxy September 27 2020

I also feel your pain. I have been sexually and fustically abused by 2 of my ex husband’s. I left my girls with their dad because I didn’t know where I was going to live and my oldest ended up being sexually abused by her father. I feel so guilty that I left them with him. I’ve been to therapist and they have been no help. I don’t think they know how to help because their never went through it. Word need to get got there where a person can go and feel safe and have them believe their story.

Robertina Anderson-Sim September 27 2020

I feel your pain. I’ve recently been affected by domestic assault. I’m still in the shock of what happened vs trying to hate him after loving him so much.

Robertina Anderson-Sim September 27 2020

I feel your pain. I’ve recently been affected by domestic assault. I’m still in the shock of what happened vs trying to hate him after loving him so much.

Elishia Smith September 27 2020

Thank You for sharing your story with us. You are so brave. Again, thank you 🙏🏾

Lori September 27 2020

You were and are so brave!!!. That sad rule here and continues no one believes unless it directly happens to them or someone close to them. That is why I see the burning bed.Or the smoking gun. Bravo to you arr a warrior to escape the madness that he created!!! Bravo to YOU!!!