What Makes You a Beautiful Disaster?
My life has been a disaster from the beginning.
I have childhood memories of my dad placing a loaded gun on the kitchen table and telling us we were all going to be killed that night. The abuse continued for years—nights where he would shove a kitchen chair against my mom’s throat so she couldn’t breathe. She stayed for 54 years, until she passed last year. The abuse was still happening when she died.
I was raped at 14. Then again, during boot camp in the Marine Corps, after I tore my knee and watched my dreams fall apart.
I got married at 20. That marriage lasted far longer than it should have—17 years. I felt worthless. I had five kids and three miscarriages. Eventually, I walked away—a single mom with no income, battling C-PTSD, suicidal ideation, and two major attempts. I'm still manic depressive. It’s been eight years since the divorce. Two kids are still at home. There have been so many ups—and far more downs.
But in 2023, I decided it was time to stop sucking at life. I enrolled in trade school. I graduate on April 19th this year, after passing all my classes with honors. I landed a job in an oncology department—ironically, the same illness that took my mom’s life last year.
Just this past month, I found out my youngest son—he’s 16—shares my DNA in more ways than I hoped. He’s suicidal. He took 100 Tylenol (650mg) and tried to end his life. That brought all of my own trauma rushing back, but I remind myself every day: we are all Beautiful Disasters, one moment at a time.
I’ve found myself in another abusive relationship. I’m trying to get back up to help my son—but this man pulls me down every chance he gets.
Why Do You Identify with the Beautiful Disaster Brand?
I’ve been broken for so long. I was a walking disaster. Then I found your clothing line and everything shifted. I’m not just a disaster—I’m a Beautiful Disaster.
Tell Us Your Beautiful Disaster Story:
See above.
What Happened for You to Turn It Around?
Nothing changes if I don’t change.
Name 3 Things You’ve Done to Move Closer to Happiness:
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I keep standing up every time life knocks me down.
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I show up to work even when my depression is in overdrive—because sitting in my driveway feeling hopeless won’t get my kids out of this situation.
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I remind myself that progress, no matter how small, still counts.
What Is Your Favorite Beautiful Disaster Collection and Why?
The Angel Wings collection—there’s something powerful and comforting about that image. I find it deeply inspirational.
Comments
Debbie Sloughter said:
Please, sweetheart, get away from this second guy! Your son needs you strong! Tell yourself every day…“I am worthy of happiness and joy.” You can do this!
Debbie Sloughter said:
Please, sweetheart, get away from this second guy!! YoYou
Christie Strickland said:
My favorite is… Throw me to the wolves and I will come back leading the pack!!!
Kristi clark said:
Well welcome to our tribe. We found ways to put the fun in dysFUNctional. Every bit of realizing life sucks but we r making it better one step at a time. Lots of love here to be shared. Congrats of school. Work should be something we love.
Qunniola Fernandez said:
Im a surviver of the Juleietta fire and can use some support I received no money of clothing just red cross in the beginning I’m forced to live at my sons now I’m 63 and it changed my life please say a prayer for me thank u
Millie said:
As soon as you graduate, get away from your abuser! Don’t live another minute being abused. Do whatever you have to do, but get away from him! You can’t become whole until you get away from the pos, and don’t fool yourself with the thought you’re helping your children by staying with him, cause you’re not. You don’t deserve that treatment! You are worthy of so much better!
Debbie Higgins said:
I have been a disaster all my life. Up until a month ago when I was given the best chance ever. My brother and sister n law took guardianship and I moved in with them after 40 years of disaster and now I’m a beautiful disaster
Lindsey Estrada said:
You are so brave for sharing your story. THANK YOU! Your mom is your guardian angel and she will make sure you and your kids are being watched over. Sometimes life isn’t always easy and we play the hand we are dealt and I hope you are proud of yourself. Please keep being the strong boss bitch you are and never give up. Sending love your way, from another beautiful disaster 🩷
Allie said:
Hi Rachel,
Congratulations on graduating trade school and getting yourself a good job for yourself and your kids.
You are suffering from what Native Americans call a Soul Wound. It is trauma that is passed down through generations because it is not properly addressed and healed.
I urge you to get help to get out of the abusive relationship that you are in. There are agencies and safe-shelters who help woman to do such a thing. You need to consider it for yourself and the well being of your children.
In the meantime, keep going to work!! You have an amazing attitude and I commend you and celebrate you for realizing not suiting up and showing up isn’t going to get you anywhere!! One day at a time!! Your mother must be those wings you wear!! Wear them proudly!! 💗
Christine Hutchins said:
I Love the WILD RIDE collection. Reminds me of my happy days w my late hubby Ralph.
Also the Phoenix collection. It’s what I’m now. RISING UP FROM THE ASHES OF ROCK BOTTOM
Christine Hutchins said:
I Love the WILD RIDE collection. Reminds me of my happy days w my late hubby Ralph.
Also the Phoenix collection. It’s what I’m now. RISING UP FROM THE ASHES OF ROCK BOTTOM
Myrna said:
You are so brave. God will continue to give you strength. Stay strong. Sending you lots of positive vibes for you and your family.
Jennifer said:
🫶 I stand with you 300%