Meet Rachael: The Story of How She Became a Beautiful Disaster
Posted on 01 April 2019
When I was born, I think life or god or whoever you believe in looked at me and said. “She’s tough”. Sounds like a Facebook quote right? Unfortunately that was a reality for me. This is my story, how I became my own Beautiful Disaster.
When I was about 2 1/2 or 3 my mom started dating a guy, we will call him Sam. Anyways Sam was 18, tall and looked like Rolf from The Sound of Music so it was understandable why my mom would fall head over heels for him right. Well, that happily ever after turned into a nightmare within a matter of months.
It started out with cough medicine. I apparently wouldn't stop crying one evening and my uncle stopped by for a visit. He had seen my mom sitting in the living room and asked where Sam and I were. My mom just nodded towards the stairs. My uncle immediately took off up the stairs and saw Sam holding my chin and pouring cough syrup into my mouth as I'm trying to scream. Of Course a fight broke out and my uncle told my mother she needed to leave, my mother refused.
A few weeks later Sam and my mother took me and left, without a trace, not even a word, nobody knew where I had gone. Finally, after three weeks of not knowing where I was, my uncle and grandma found me. The neighbor next to where we were staying heard me screaming for hours and finally called the Police. When they found me, The left side of my face was bruised, and I had chunks of hair missing out of my head. I was immediately taken to the hospital and not only had I been beaten but I had been sexually assaulted. I was sent to a foster home and stayed with my foster parents until I was about 4 years old. Finally the hell was over, right? Wrong.
Throughout my childhood the abuse would continue, Some of it, I haven't spoken about until right now to you. When I was still in foster care, one of my foster brothers would pull his penis out of his pants and run it across my shoe or my leg every morning before church. I didn't know any different I was only 3 years old.
When I was finally sent home to live with my grandma, the abuse finally stopped. I had a lot of healing to do. As much as my grandma and my uncle tried to help me get through it, it stuck with me. When I was 9 I moved back in with my mother, my mother's new husband had a family friend. He was 23 I was 14. I was naive, and just wanted love. He took advantage of that. He stole my innocence. June 23rd 2004. I lost my virginity to a 23 year old man. Now, today I see him everywhere. I work with his wife, and she has no idea who she married.
The last blow and what really sent me on a path of self destruction was on November 23, 2010. I was invited to a bonfire by a friend. He said there would be a bunch of people there and we could just sit around and have some drinks. When we got there, there was no fire and all his friends were so drunk that they weren't even aware of what was going on. I told him that I was just going to go to bed, I was tired anyways. So I went into his room and laid down.
45 minutes later he came in and began to take my clothes off, at first I didn't say anything. Out of fear maybe? I don't know but when it began to hurt I told him to stop and he didn't he kept going, and tried pushing him off of me but it wasn't working. I gave up, and I laid there waiting for him to finish.
Once he fell asleep I snuck out and called a friend to come get me. I pressed charges the detectives on the case said there was too much drama in my circle that they couldn't do an investigation. To me my life was over, my body had been violated 1 too many times and I started acting out. I started sleeping around, getting drunk, smoking pot. It lasted for almost 2 years.
Then, I found out I was pregnant. That is where life changed for me. I now had a responsibility to another human being. I was scared - absolutely terrified. I had nothing to offer him, no home, no car, not even a job. But something in my soul lit up when I heard his little heartbeat. I became stronger, determined to give him a life that I wasn't able to have. I began doing internships during my pregnancy.
I found a room to rent, so I would have a place to stay. Eventually I got an apartment, and things were looking up. My son was born healthy, and it's been an uphill climb ever since. I am now almost 30 years old, work 2 jobs, own a car, buying my house and single handedly raising my 6 year old son.
I’ve never looked at my past as a reason for failure, I saw it as a reason for success. I’ve had my burdens, my almost rock bottoms, my mental breakdowns. But not once have I ever been completely defeated. I have problems, I have PTSD and Attachment Disorder. I see a therapist, because I’ve finally realized that sometimes you just have to accept things as they are. Not only am I a warrior but I have become one of the most Beautiful Disasters I have ever seen.
And for once, in my 30 years, I’m ready to wear it with pride. Thank you for supporting all of us Beautiful Disasters. We love you. Just remember, no matter what happens to us, we are strong together, we cannot be defeated. We can proudly be us. Beautiful Disasters.