Meet Beautiful Disaster Carrie - She Has No Shame In Her Diagnosis.

Meet Beautiful Disaster Carrie - She Has No Shame In Her Diagnosis.

 

What makes me a beautiful disaster? I’m a 43-year-old, single mother of two boys. I have been on disability since 2010. Fighting depression goes back to my early twenties on and off different medication.

 

My story begins in 1995, when I married a military man. As you all can imagine it’s a very difficult life to live, so I just contributed my depression to our life style. Trying different medications and postpartum not help. I was always on an emotional roller coaster. I felt alone and far away from home. Too add to our chaos, my than husband came home from war with what we would soon learn, he was suffering from PTSD. His abuse was not only physical, but verbal. It was breaking me down faster than I could pick myself back up. So, I identify with the beautiful disaster brand, because people always want to judge the book by the cover. Through my ups and downs, I would get so tried of hearing, “your so beautiful and stronger than that!”

 

Life changed in 2007, when I took a huge step after thirteen years of marriage I left my husband. The abuse, verbal abuse and depression had taken a toll. After being a stay at home mother for thirteen years, now going out on my own with two boys. I found myself crying every morning on my way to work.  It’s just unexplainable some days, the amount of emotions one can feels. Now I am having to leave my children crying with people they did not even know, but it’s all for the best? Explain, that to a one year old. Instead of getting better, I felt like my world was falling apart. By 2010, I had lost two jobs and my body had enough. “Break down”, I had never thought about taking my own life since I had my first son. But that day, not even my boys were enough.

 

I am very thankful I met a doctor that saved me, and I see him still to this day. I was not on the right medication. It took some time and I finally was able to get a full night sleep. I could focus on my boys and my recovery without worrying about work. One step at a time, he said. Don’t get me wrong. There are some hard days, sometimes it can be a week. I know how to identify when the waves are coming, how it feels and what to expect.

 

Today, I work with special educated children part-time. I am going through my steps to get back to work full-time. I have no shame in my diagnoses of bipolar, I had always felt alone and embarrassed. I would rather be open and help someone today. Than a life lost any day! My biggest supports today are my ex-husband and my boys.

 

I wear my beautiful disaster clothing as a reminder, “I’m not alone, love myself and never be ashamed of my mental health illness.” It does not define me!

Thank you-

Carrie

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Comments

Tiffany April 25 2019

Your message is so powerful to me because my daughter was recently diagnosed as having bipolar depression. Because of the honesty of people like you she’s not ashamed and seeking help early so that she can find the right medication and support to help her deal with her condition. I am so grateful for the bravery of men and women like you who are willing to share their stories to help other people recognize that they do not have to suffer in silence. Thank you!!

Donna S. April 23 2019

First I want to say I admire you on so many levels I was a single mother as well, and my mother was diagnosed with severe Bi-polar disorder so I grew up with that not know until later in her life what was wrong and why she was so angry at me all the time. I am a 50 year old women now and I’ve been divorced from my abuser for 26 years. In that time I’ve been pretty much single I raised my 2 girls and worked my fingers to the bone. I thought surely I would have found love within a few short years. well guess what it has never happened for me and I watched it happen all around me for all these years and it has taught me what depression truly is, I’ve been on meds for almost 2 years now and sometimes they work sometimes they don’t and I sleep on tear soaked pillows almost nightly. I’ve thrown myself into my work and my horses. I’ve gone back to Rodeo and love it more than I did years ago maybe a bit slower with age but having a good time. I found Beautiful Disaster clothing line about a month ago and just got my first order. I have to say I identify as well and I am proud to wear my yoga pants and tanks for people to see. Because I realize I am a disaster but I am also just as beautiful as anyone else and I deserve so much more in life and love…So you hold your head up there girl and keep moving forward you are Beautiful and you will make the world take notice…

Krystie Roberts April 22 2019

Carrie,

So sorry for the pain you’ve suffered. It’s never a fun place to be! I’m so glad your were able to rise above the adversity. Recognizing where the sadness was coming from was your first step forward into your new life.
I’m sure you still have some difficult days but at least you found your way out of a horrible situation and it will only get better from here. That has to be a very freeing feeling!
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. We all have one and us women can all support one another! ❤️
Krystie Roberts

Dawn P April 22 2019

After years of physical and verbal abuse I finally broke the chain and got the nerve to be myself. I have found the love of my life and I am so happy. I wear the Beautiful Disaster clothing to remind myself that I never will or have to go back to that life. Right now I am going through chemo and will soon be receiving radiation I am positive, I will over come this and be strong. I am very proud of you for making the right decision, you are a strong woman, you can and will do this. Hold your head up high and smile. Peace to you. Namaste!!

LuAnna Burton April 21 2019

I am a 40 year old, Mother of one… My daughter is 22 years old, and has my 4½ Gramdbabies…. I got married and had her when I was 16… I stayed married to him for 22 years… He’s locked up for tye rest of his life… For crimes against children… Where he belongs.. The first 5 years of our marriage was good… After that, it started a down hill slide…. I got on drugs and him with the different women… Wr with where at fault… But he took it to another level…. Physical abuse and mental…. I lived in hell for 10 years, and almost lost my own life, cause my "Give a damn was BUSTED "…. Till I had nothing left , and everyone around me had given up… My Parents had passed away, so my safety net was gone…. I had to learn to pull myself up by my boot strips and giddie up on on, & I Did…
I’m a Beautiful Disaster…. I’ve been to the pits of Hell, & Walked out, With My Head Held High….! ❤🤘👑❣🤗

Rebeca April 21 2019

In staying strong for your boys, you will learn to be stronger for yourself. My boys will be 16 & 26 this year and now that they’re older, I’ve learned to be strong for me too. Kick ass on the good days, hang in there on the bad!! There comes a day when you find peace within you and then even the bad days are decent.
My favorite saying is,
“Wake up Beauty, it’s time to beast!!”
You’ve got this, Carrie!

Jersey Danielle April 20 2019

Carrie your an amazing mom and it takes work but you made the roughest first step and succeeded! Be proud and always take one day at a time! They say when life throws you lemons make lemonade!!! Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your story.

Michelle M April 20 2019

Good job lady! I’m going through my third type of Chemo. You sound strong and that’s a good feeling for me too.