Melissa's Story: Loving Myself First

Hello Beautiful Disaster Family! My name is Melissa, I am 42 and I would like to share my story with you wonderful brave ladies! My story started as a child of drug addicted parents. I lost my dad at the age of 9, finding him in the bathroom from a drug overdose! My life after that was never the same. My mother also was an addict and after my father passing she got worse. Even though they weren't together when my father passed, they were best friends. My mother started to drink more and use drugs to numb her pain. My mother married and my step dad was a horrible person, he would smack me and my mother around all the time! I was happy when he went to jail! He was a big time drug dealer in our town. Our names were in the newspapers and when parents found out it was me, it made it real hard for me to have friends cause I wasn't allowed to hangout with them! My mother overtime got worse when she needed her drugs, it didn't matter where we were at she would do them in front of me in the car! I had to drive several times (13yrs) to her friend's house, she was a nurse, because I thought she overdosed and was scared I lost her! My mother also tried to sell me to her dealer for drugs! I came home from school and there was a man sitting in our living room... He said I was coming with him for my mother's debt to him! I screamed for help and threw things at him until our neighbors came to my rescue! My mother's best friend also ODed in our kitchen and I found her laying on our floor taking her last breath... My mother told me we had to take her to the bathroom and put her body in the bathtub and fill it with cold water and dump ice on her to shock her back to life! And, fortunately, she did come back, but for me it never left my head seeing everything I went through was something I always said I would never put my kids through I was gonna be the best mom! As a child I was also molested by my mom's best friends boyfriend, something I still don't like to talk about! I was broken and felt like the only way to get away was to run away! I left at 16 yrs old and got my own apartment. I had my first child at 20. I married at 24 and then the abuse came. My husband was an alcoholic and used drugs and I was his punching bag! Once again I felt trapped and too scared to leave!? The one time I left, I came back because he took my kids from the sitters, so I went home. He totaled my truck by running it into the side of our house with my arms rolled up in the driver window if the window didn't release I probably wouldn't be here today! I fell on the ground and rolled before he slammed into the side of the house! That's just one of the many scary abusive things I went through before I had the courage to leave. I married at 24 and left him at 34.... The person I was back then is not the person I am today! I've learned to love myself first and I don't take shit from no one! I have 4 amazing children and I promised them a better life for them then I did growing up! Since 2014 when I left my ex, my life has been amazing! I have an amazing aunt who has helped me get where I am today! Family is everything, they are the ones who can pick you up and get you to where you need to be! I am a Beautiful Disaster because I have conquered so much in my life and continue to be a better person for myself and my kids. I strive to be better and I hope by telling my story maybe it can help someone know you are not alone! As for what item is my favorite I would have to say all of them. I love everything that each of them represent it touches me dearly makes me know there is hope and strength to go on and never give up!