I'm Veronica, I'm a beautiful disaster because I've been through allot of crap in my life. Beautiful disaster is like wearing a badge of honor. It's saying to the world that you have overcome really hard stuff and you are a fierce warrior now. I found BD by accident online and fell in love! 
From the day I was born, I was born fighting for my life. All I knew was how to survive. I was born in Russia and was taken away from my birth Mom around age 1 and placed into an orphanage because she neglected me. The orphanage was traumatizing. I was adopted at age 7 to the United States. This was a huge shock because I had no clue what a family was. I found out a few years later that my so called family wasn't what a family was either. Dysfunctional and abusive: I never even had a chance to let my guard down, to live without needing to survive. At age 14 I was placed in Foster Care. I started to not give a crap about anything or anyone. I was on my own and couldn't trust no one.
I started doing drugs not for fun but to escape the pain my whole life had been. Allot of crazy crap happened in Foster care (more trauma) but all I knew was how to survive. At 18 I aged out of Foster care and moved in with my boyfriend at that time and he abused me and eventually tried to kill me. I obviously left him and was thankful that I escaped and was able to call the cops. I thought Id been through enough I pleaded with God! When will I get to just live?
If you wonder how I can still smile, it's cuz I have faith in Jesus. That is the only reason why I have survived so many situations that almost killed me. I have always had hope, I know the love of God in my heart which helped me get here today. I started dating my Husband after breaking up with my ex. I met my husband in Foster care when we where young. We both stopped doing drugs together and started to settle down (even now we both had no clue what normal looked like). I got my G.E.D and my Husband got his first job. We learned to love each other and grow together. We kinda saved each other=} We started going to church together and didn't fit in at all being the only punk kids there but we knew life was more beautiful then what our pasts told us.
I recently got diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety which is not a surprise due to my complex past but it has been another trauma in itself to deal with. I've been healing from past trauma and the only thing I did was NEVER GIVE UP. That's it, its a choice. When my mind attacks itself I continue to survive because that's all I know. To anyone else who has dealt with or dealing with PTSD; it will get better, I promise, just don't give up. Some days are ridiculously hard but I keep pushing. PTSD is not a joke; I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I honestly believe that non combat PTSD should be recognized more and should be just as important as veterans who have PTSD who are being helped allot more than civilians. It is the same hell and my goal is to show others that you can make it even with PTSD and severe trauma.
I have been happily married for 5 years now and am finishing college to help foster kids! I chose to not be another statistic and I had to fight myself allot because destruction was all I knew and I had to show myself that there's more to life, that not all people are monsters, that God's grace preserved my heart, that I am more than enough even know I was never treated like I was enough,  that little by little life could be beautiful . I felt so ashamed just for existing and that wasn't my shame to carry. That shame belonged to all the people who hurt me. I am courageous and victorious. I am unashamed. I am a beautiful disaster! Don't give up ever. You don't have to feel strong everyday to be strong. You are already strong just for enduring the things you have endured. You have nothing to prove to anyone. All of ya'll are amazing and beautiful.

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March 23, 2020