Lori's Story: A Better Me

My name is Lori, I will be 55 years young in August.  My story starts when I was very young. I grew up in a home where "I love you" was never spoken. There were fights with my parents and alcohol abuse that was never spoken of. I was sexually abused at 10 & never spoke about it. At the age 24, I thought it was best to marry a man 11 years older than me, who I thought would give me the world (not sure what that was) before I knew it I was pregnant at 25 my husband #1 had turned into a monster physically & mentally abusive. I dared to never speak of it and as it got worse with him drinking, and the drugs, I had a daughter. My marriage lasted til my daughter was 2 1/2. Ran home to my daddy & mommy, that lasted 14 months & dated & moved in with an ex boyfriend. We dated til my daughter was 5 and married #2. Had my son 2yrs in. It was amazing, my best friend, then the alcohol got out of control and he was controlling, a bully to my son behind my back. I thought we were perfect except #2 never left my side. We would go everywhere together. I thought it was just true love. He told people I was his soulmate. Until we made 10yrs and 2weeks of marriage, I was told out of no where he wasn't coming home, he had found better. My home foreclosed, I was left with 2 children, 17& 10, a part time job & not knowing where to turn to, but knowing I had to take care of my kids. I worked and my daughter helped me take care of my son until my my mom wanted me to come home. I thought, "I can do this!". Yeah right. I found a friend who wanted to help me. He moved with me and bought us a house, my mom who I grew very close with in the years was heart broken 💔 She didn't want me to trip over the same rock. He was & is amazing took me & my kids as 1. I found out in 2014/15, my mom had stage 4 aggressive lung cancer. Her house had a fire they moved into a hotel & I ended up with severe pancreatitis & almost died from fluids in & out of hospital for 2 months as my worsen, but couldn't really see her both of us so sick. I ended up in the hospital again. My daughter's bday was Jan 23rd and my mom clasped and rushed to a different hospital than my self. She died Jan. 27th (I never got to see my mom). They buried her while I was in ICU. I was heart broken, a woman who had been really my best friend through everything I went through. 6 years I still can't get over it. Taking care of my daddy, I became daddy's girl. Mind you I have 2 older sisters who didn't care and was doing their own thing. I then end up with severe spinal issues, needing a spinal cord stimulator (2 wires up my spine & a battery in my back). Daddy was there along with my now #3 who was the one who moved me & kids in. I became so close to my daddy caring for him, helping him when #3 became controlling of our money. So, daddy helped me at 82 yrs old. I'm still here with #3 & my son and my daughter disowned me with no reason. I cared for daddy, went to drs, hung out like buddies. He started to decline now at 84 years. He did in past have stage 1 cancer & beat it, but both of us having copd, I having emphazima also my dad had oxygen, inhaler, and covid hit, I couldn't take no more. I tried wearing wigs to up my mood being 62 different women (wigs) I felt pretty or I could be someone else than me. My dad just passed. They called me & I found him at his home. He turned 84 on 3/2 we just went to our lung Dr & primary Dr 4 days prior to him passed on 3/14 with no reason, but he was starting to decline??????!!!!!!!! I saw him on Sat & he dies Monday into Tuesday????  I sit here today in charge of everything as my middle sister now creeping back to see what she can get yeahhhhhhh. It's been 2 months and I haven't morned my daddy yet. I was so depressed, lost & hurting. I was scrolling fb and came across a name I've seen for years....... BEAUTIFUL DISASTER!!!!!! There was something the story YOU told about the tribe I felt a connection, so what the hell ordered a shirt. I can't tell you I got the package in days (wow) I saw it and put it on and there was just something I can't explain that made me feel so empowered, so strong, so just a better me. The next day, I ordered leggings to match & a cup. My #3 saw such a change in me that he ordered the hoodie to match. I can't tell you 3 days later a girl saw me wearing my shirt & said, "I love your shirt. May I hug you?". I said "yes", she said wait I wanna show you something and she put on a pullover hoodie beautiful disaster she said ... "I know". I just wanted to cry. Thank you it is the best feeling as I sit here writing you.