Being a beautiful disaster doesn’t mean you’ve got it figured out, it means you try hard every day to not let the past and the everyday misfortunes define you!
I was raised in an alcoholic home where beating and mental abuse where the norm. It didn’t seem to matter if the bruises showed at school or anywhere in public, no one wanted to help. I left home at 16.
At 13 years old I was violently rapped. I will leave out the details, but the worst part was that my self esteem was so low from my family life that I wasn’t brave enough to tell anyone. At 15, my step father inappropriately touched me and when I did bring this into the light, I was told I was a liar.
When I left home I moved in with a boy. I say boy because the abuse I thought I left at home followed me. Not only did he physically abuse me, but he burnt all my belongings in his front yard. I left with no clothes and no where to go.
Years later I met a man just out of the navy. I found out I was pregnant 3 days before I left for college. While at college, I found out he had cheated and was now living with this woman. I left school depressed and alone! When my daughter was born I knew that I had finally found true love.
3 years later I ended up back with her father, the cheater. We married and had 3 more beautiful children. I always just wanted a family, but it wasn’t the family I wanted. My husband struggled with drugs and alcohol. I worked 3 jobs to keep up with bills. Eventually he got better, we bought a beautiful home and things were good. But, he relapsed and we were about to lose everything. I told him that we were over and he moved out of our place and in with another woman that same week. I told myself that if I was going to struggle with him, I’d rather struggle on my own. At least if I messed up I’d have no one else to blame.
I have been single now for 5 years. I have overcame the fear of being alone. I still struggle some days with my self esteem, but I know that everything that I have been through has made me the most Beautiful Disaster I can be! I wouldn’t be me without my past. Without the trials and the lessons. Even though I don’t fit in anywhere, this community...with all you other beautiful disasters, makes me feel like I belong! There are others with a story that makes them who they are and empowers others! ❤️