My journey. My battle is with my weight which brought on depression and self hate, feeling not worth anything and turning to food and alcohol. It was okay being the funny fat woman.
      My journey is far from over. I didn't gain this extra weight overnight, so it's not going anywhere overnight. Somehow, I became lost. I became a wife and a mother, 2 of my greatest jobs. But, in time, I was the Slurpee lady AKA working at 7-11 for many years. At this time, it was fast and convenient food, and easy to nibble here and there. Then, I became the lunch lady and sous chef, so you have to sample what your cooking, so the pounds crept up slow and steady. It also didn't help having unlimited slurpee and fountain drinks right there.
      It doesn't help I battle with darkness (depression), so it's easy to turn to food and alcohol way too much. I always wore my uniforms XX-large. What's the old saying? Out of sight out of mind. I never saw or wanted to see what I had become at sporting events for Kaylie, my daughter. I was always the mom taking the pictures. I have thousands of photos, but very few of me. If I am, I always made sure one of the kids stood in front of me.
     My first wake up call came when I was having a conversation with a customer at 7-11 and he spoke about the gym. I told him, "yeah I need to get back to the gym" and I patted my stomach and said, "to lose this baby weight". He looked at me and asked how old was the baby, I had to be honest and told him 16. He just looked at me and said "THAT AIN'T NO FU@KIN BABY WEIGHT IT WAS ME BEING LAZY" yes brutal, but honest. At that I was about 274 and I came across a show called FAT, SICK AND NEARLY DEAD. It dealt with juicing. I jumped on board and dropped 40 pounds where I stayed for a few years, with my depression and self destruction still holding me back.
     Jump ahead a few years to the famous 2020, the year our world fell apart due to Covid. At that point, I was laid-off first time in my life and then it hit me the darkness came fast and hard...A bad case of Covid during that time in a small bedroom alone it gives you time to think. I knew my weight was dropping and I had a time with no smell or taste. I began to research and look up stuff and watch video's on YouTube I came across DIRTY, LAZY, KETO by Stephanie Laska. As I began to recover, I began to reevaluate life and use the words I AND ME. I knew this time I was doing it for ME and ME ALONE... So I will conquer and I will fall, but I will keep going because I have come to realize I have always been a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER, but I just didn't see it until I shed this emotional baggage and weight...
Highest weight that I know 274
Starting weight before Covid 234
True starting weight after 217
Current weight  138
   How do I choose a favorite BD collection when each one is amazing? I do enjoy the yoga pants, they're so comfortable and the wording on the outfits feels like it was wrote just for me. I will wear each one with Pride.
Much love and thank you.

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May 27, 2022