Someone tried his best to control me.

I've been in a small box for 30 plus years. I broke out of this box, and I feel in control now.

A hard life, taking care of my husband, who is diabetic, while working a full-time job. I was there for everyone, but no one was there for me. With a diabetic spouse, I found out that it has mood swings. I had to deal with that and tried to make his situation better for him. Don't get me wrong; after we were married, he helped me around the house, made promises, and I had a loving husband. Ten years later, he was a diabetic, and the next twenty-five years felt like I went to Hell and back. Then he started to have bouts of very low sugars, crashing. I became more like a nurse for him than a wife. I was working a full-time job while he couldn't anymore. With diabetes came complications. Then things changed for me. I began to take on more responsibility, paying bills when we had enough in the bank, making appointments, making sure he had his insulin when I went without my meds. Went to work with no money, he spent money like it was his alone, and I had nothing in my pockets. Picked on me over little things, insulted me, then the mind games started. I was hurt most of the time, depressed, very tired, worried about money and tried my best to make him healthier. I have found out a lot about diabetics, causes, and how to handle his sugar crash. My father told me that I have gone Above and Beyond the Call of Duty for him. Father was, is, and always will be a Marine. I take after my father, teachings, creativity, helping, and a whole lot more.

I got up one day, told myself I had enough of these mental head games. Over the years, I put in storage my horses, my true love, sewing machine, crafts, friends, but not my family. He didn't like that too much. Woke up and told myself I had enough; I wasn't going to make it easy for him and took control of my life. I still kept tabs on his sugars; he hated that. Then my father passed away. I was so numb; I started to be a different person. I then moved up to Mom's house to make sure she was ok and to take care of her. I think my father gave me the strength to stand up to him. Then my younger sister passed away from MS. Just the two of us. That was a blow to me. So young and so full of life. Years later, I retired to take care of my mom until she passed away. I am the only one left. Hubby moved up with me; I got the house. He wanted to change things; at this point, he was a little better. Made plans, but he never went through with anything. Still spent my pension on stupid stuff, fishing gear mostly. He was happy to a point. Then we got bad news; his kidneys were failing. He passed away three years ago, in my arms. I took care of my family and husband till the day they passed. I miss my Dad, Mom, Sister, and Husband.

I am Free! I was a caregiver, cook, cleaner, driver, and accountant for years. Now, I am taking care of me for a change. I feel a bit healthier; I don't let the little stuff bother me. I made a promise to my family to fix the house up, and I am doing it. I hope they are proud of me. I do what I need to do first, then what I want to do. I am doing sewing, making a Mom's Quilt. I already did my Dad's Quilt, crafting, and I have my horses around me. I also rescued a cat, and he keeps me company and on my toes. So I am not totally alone. I am at peace with myself. It's about time!

The words, "Beautiful Disaster Hoodie." So warm. I feel like I can conquer the world with it on.


Tammy said:

So happy for you that you are getting “me” time! I am a caretaker by nature as well and to be on this side of my life where its me first, not in a selfish way but without filling up my own cup first I am no good to anyone. When you are stuck in the middle of storms it’s hard to see the future. I found these sisters and clothing line at a perfect time in my life. I wear my armor with pride.
Much love and affection to you BD sister

Colette Pelletier said:

Josie, I hear you about being a caregiver and looking after others before yourself. I am estranged from my family and have been for years. I have a husband who puts me first and tries to help me as much as he can. I love the clothing too. It was like I was meant to find this brand. I started out with a ball cap, hoodies, and t shirts followed. Beautiful Disaster is an amazing brand. I feel stronger too wearing it. Stay strong and beautiful🥰

Teri said:

I admire your strength & perseverance. You had so much going on at one time & you overcame it all. You didn’t lose yourself, even during the extremely difficult times. I am so happy that you have your horses, your rescued kitty, your crafting skills, & most of all, your positive outlook. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are amazing!!!

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March 07, 2024