I Refused to Disappear: Jen’s Journey Back to Herself

WHAT MAKES YOU A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER?

I was born with a predisposition to borderline personality disorder, but prolonged trauma and abuse in my adult life contributed to its development.

I am learning that what happened to me does not define me, and neither does my diagnosis.

WHY DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH THE BEAUTIFUL DISASTER BRAND?

I am a survivor of intimate partner violence, including verbal and emotional abuse.

I identify with a brand that recognizes that someone can be wounded and imperfect while still being strong, worthy, and beautiful.

TELL US YOUR BEAUTIFUL DISASTER STORY

For years, I lived through patterns of verbal and emotional abuse that gradually changed how I saw myself and how my mind responded to conflict.

I became accustomed to questioning my perceptions, preparing for the next argument, and trying to prevent someone else’s anger.

Eventually, the pain became too much to carry silently.

I developed borderline personality disorder in adulthood, but my diagnosis is only one part of my story.

I am also a mother, educator, advocate, and survivor.

I have continued showing up for my children, my students, and the people who depend on me, even while learning how to show up for myself.

My story is messy and unfinished, but it is also a story of resilience, self-awareness, and refusing to disappear.

WHAT HAPPENED FOR YOU TO TURN IT AROUND?

I reached a breaking point and took pills in an attempt to escape the pain.

That moment forced me to recognize that I could not put the people I love through the same kind of pain that was destroying me.

I had to choose healing — not only for everyone I love, but also for myself.

Getting better did not happen overnight.

I began therapy, learned healthier ways to cope, and started reclaiming my life.

For the first time, I understood that I was worth getting better for too.

NAME 3 THINGS YOU’VE DONE TO MOVE CLOSER TO HAPPINESS

1. I committed to therapy, including DBT skills and trauma-focused work, so I could understand my responses and begin healing.
2. I started setting boundaries and speaking honestly about behavior that hurts me instead of automatically minimizing it or blaming myself.
3. I began rebuilding a life and identity that belong to me. I am investing in my career, pursuing projects, and learning to treat myself with the compassion I have always given others.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BEAUTIFUL DISASTER COLLECTION, PAST OR PRESENT, AND WHY?

My favorite is the Hating Me collection.

It speaks to me because my toxic in-laws tried to tear apart my family and take my children from me. They tried to portray me as the problem, but their hatred does not define who I am.

Their cruelty and their actions are ugly. I am not.