Evonne's Story: For Those Who Need A Voice

Evonne's Story: For Those Who Need A Voice

For as long as I can remember my body was not mine, but rather tossed around by those that should have protected me. It honestly destroyed everything a women could imagine. Prison in my own mind wrapped with fear that eventually turned to normal. Convinced myself this was how things are suppose to be? Silenced with fear of everything you could scare a child with is the environment I grew up in - believing it was normal.
Later in life, I got married and tried everything just to find out my first husband was the same as the rest. Second husband was a drunk and abused me in front of my children to the point where I was found in a tub with a face they didn't recognize. He went upstate due to other karma and I became homeless with 2 toddlers. He came back even after I refused, somehow always finding his way back into my life. One day, I had seen the fear in my daughter's eyes as she grew old enough to call 911 and  save my life. My son hit his father with all his little might. Horrible right? Why would I stay? Well, I guess if abuse is all you know it's what you're attracted to... then things changed.
Not too long after, I got reunited with my first love after 15 years. It's been a struggle battling his addiction. (Might I add he is now 3 years clean!) We have lived in a camper with the kids and our pups. We have struggled and went deeper than any person should have to. Along the way, he showed me how I deserve to be treated. That's when I knew I had to speak up. I sat and wondered, "How do I get to people who were like me? Scared, confused, brainwashed. The whole nine." Then, Beautiful Disaster came across my phone. "This might be it!" I thought. 
I currently bought a house. One year in already. It's exciting but exhausting lol. It's not much. She is old, built in the 40's, she reminds me of our family - potential if given the opportunity! So here we are - a family that made it through hell and back, and we welcome other people in our home to get on their feet to heal at no cost. Some days we eat like kings and queens, others days it's a struggle, but we struggle TOGETHER. That's what it's all about! Love without expectations.
My life may of been rough but that doesn't mean they get to claim it all. We fight the good fight and love moments others take for granted. I hope I can encourage others who have been through similar life circumstances. They deserve for someone to finally make it! Finally be a voice that most don't hear or they do and it's gone before it registered.
I would have to say my favorite item from Beautiful Disaster would have to be my "Giving a Fuck Doesn't Go With my Outfit." It's a statement I will forever live by. My whole life I searched for that approval that was never there. No matter how much I tried to do everything right it was never enough. I let myself go through so much pain because I was determined to be loved by those that should have protected me in the first place. Now that book is closed! Now that I have learned I'm worth it, I will never give up the love I have for myself.
After surviving being abused over and over again, we turned both our lives around. It's hard work but no one can take this happiness from us. This summer I got my first Harley and put a checkmark on the bucket list. We haven't stop riding since. It's absolutely amazing simply knowing your safe and loved. Survival is a Beautiful Disaster within itself! 
Beautiful Disaster gave me the confidence that I never had. To be plus sized and beautiful and to finally see my worth is something I never saw happening. I'm currently almost 40 years old and can look in a mirror without tears and only love for myself. So cheers to all Beautiful Disasters in healing and learning to love yourself! We're totally worth everything we go after!

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Comments

Drita 10 days ago

WOW! You are an inspiration for women going through it right now! I’m in the process of a awful divorce now and I was abandoned with our 3 kids. I’m on disability and he has the full time income. But he just opened a new account for “his money” and left us all! Emotionally and physically were all better off without him because of the abuse and I’m pretty sure he’s an undiagnosed sociopath, but everything is always my fault and I’m never good enough right? After 22 years together and all that history he wasn’t always this way though. I was abused my whole life and I would say it wasn’t until about 18 years in that a switch just flipped in him and he became a total monster!! So problem there is nobody believed me, I was alone to deal with it and with my poor kids! I never got any validation or support or help of any kind and it just destroyed me even more. Now that our divorce has taken forever and is still not over but seems to be close, I’m the one who’s losing everything!!! I am just sick about it and don’t understand how the justice system could do me like this? I just pray that everything will work out for my poor kids sakes because were loosing our home and they are all scared and have lived here forever! Gone to the same schools and grew up with the same friends and 2 are in highschool now being offered scholarships at a TOP school. But I can’t afford to keep them here or in this school district on my own and it’s the kids who will suffer and all their hard work will go down the drain. They don’t even speak to him and I don’t blame them at all! My lawyers terrible and hasn’t done his job at all! So basically I’m terrified of what’s going to happen next week when I have to go into my “first and last” court date in 2 years- yes you heard that right!!! I filed that long ago and haven’t been to even 1 court date but was JUST notified I have trial to FINISH and SETTLE my whole case next week!!! It is absurd! But I cannot afford another lawyer and after fighting for this long, I don’t have much fight left in me. He’s completely broken me as a person, a woman, a mother, partner and a best friend. I pray one day I’ll be able to tell my story with it being an inspirational one like yours! Congratulations!!!

Drita 10 days ago

WOW! You are an inspiration for women going through it right now! I’m in the process of a awful divorce now and I was abandoned with our 3 kids. I’m on disability and he has the full time income. But he just opened a new account for “his money” and left us all! Emotionally and physically were all better off without him because of the abuse and I’m pretty sure he’s an undiagnosed sociopath, but everything is always my fault and I’m never good enough right? After 22 years together and all that history he wasn’t always this way though. I was abused my whole life and I would say it wasn’t until about 18 years in that a switch just flipped in him and he became a total monster!! So problem there is nobody believed me, I was alone to deal with it and with my poor kids! I never got any validation or support or help of any kind and it just destroyed me even more. Now that our divorce has taken forever and is still not over but seems to be close, I’m the one who’s losing everything!!! I am just sick about it and don’t understand how the justice system could do me like this? I just pray that everything will work out for my poor kids sakes because were loosing our home and they are all scared and have lived here forever! Gone to the same schools and grew up with the same friends and 2 are in highschool now being offered scholarships at a TOP school. But I can’t afford to keep them here or in this school district on my own and it’s the kids who will suffer and all their hard work will go down the drain. They don’t even speak to him and I don’t blame them at all! My lawyers terrible and hasn’t done his job at all! So basically I’m terrified of what’s going to happen next week when I have to go into my “first and last” court date in 2 years- yes you heard that right!!! I filed that long ago and haven’t been to even 1 court date but was JUST notified I have trial to FINISH and SETTLE my whole case next week!!! It is absurd! But I cannot afford another lawyer and after fighting for this long, I don’t have much fight left in me. He’s completely broken me as a person, a woman, a mother, partner and a best friend. I pray one day I’ll be able to tell my story with it being an inspirational one like yours! Congratulations!!!

Debra 10 days ago

Met you at dog beach truly a light in a darkening world..you were kind and even though you didn’t know my story..you treated me as an equal.. I grew up with abuse and as a 5 year old child..I witnessed the death of my father at the hands of my mother…and was put in and out of juvenile Hall at 4..and in and out of foster homes..only to have my mother remarry a pedophile..and then attract abusers 4-5 times after becoming an adult..to finally just giving up and only being a dog owner who completes me unconditionally! Thankyou for sharing your story and giving others the same chance..mahalo!

Debra 10 days ago

Met you at dog beach truly a light in a darkening world..you were kind and even though you didn’t know my story..you treated me as an equal.. I grew up with abuse and as a 5 year old child..I witnessed the death of my father at the hands of my mother…and was put in and out of juvenile Hall at 4..and in and out of foster homes..only to have my mother remarry a pedophile..and then attract abusers 4-5 times after becoming an adult..to finally just giving up and only being a dog owner who completes me unconditionally! Thankyou for sharing your story and giving others the same chance..mahalo!

Debra Essex 14 days ago

After 2 failed marriages, 1 : a serial cheater (I finally threw him out) 2 : I owned my home, but he ran me into bankruptcy. I don’t know how he did it, but i almost lost my house, my security. Sad, but one day while he was at work, I packed up all his stuff, went to his job, put all his stuff in his car, went inside and told him he wasn’t coming home. He saId, “but I have to come home and get my things.” I told him it was all in his car, and he was NOT coming back to my house.
I am now on my third marriage (I had made up my mind, I was NEVER going there again!) Then I met James. Our back stories are a lot alike. Horrible child abuse from a family member that went on for years. He was cheated on for years. We were two broken people that found each other, and were able to be open and honest about it all, and unpack all our hurt, disapointment, pain and loss. Together, we are a Beautiful Disaster. We have been married 17+ years, and they truely have been the best of my life. We are that Phoenix, rising from the ashes, for a brand new life, love, and being.
Thank you all for your support and counsel.
BdRocks!!

Sherry Russell 14 days ago

You’re a beautiful lady and an inspiration to a lot of women I’ve been in 2 bad relationships but my 1st one my husband he was abusive towards me but I found the courage to leave him

valerie vickery 14 days ago

you go girl your story is very inspiring you are an amazing strong women you fought for yourself and your children which is more courageous in more ways than 1 don’t ever stop believing in yourself you are worth it !!! Ride that harley with a smile sweet lady ♥️

valerie vickery 14 days ago

you go girl your story is very inspiring you are an amazing strong women you fought for yourself and your children which is more courageous in more ways than 1 don’t ever stop believing in yourself you are worth it !!! Ride that harley with a smile sweet lady ♥️

Aimi 14 days ago

You are strong, beautiful woman!!! Even though it’s been trauma after trauma; it truly makes us better people! We are able to see beauty where more times not, other’s do not!!! I too have have had some of the same trauma. As recent as ‘15-‘18… by my step son! Still trying to recover, but everyday I get my strength back. While fighting a debilitating nerve condition; and losing my parents. Finally went back to 2 weeks ago. I blessed with a fantastic husband and kid ‘s! My favorite BD is “Hating me, won’t make you pretty”, “Fearlessly Authentic ” and now the “Wolves”! I just love them all actually!

As the wonderful P!NK says, “The Passion and the pain are going to keep us alive” (The Great Escape)!! Be YOU!!!! 💜

Tammy Varner 14 days ago

I to have been down the road of an abusive first husband who not only abused me but cheated. He then turned and put his hands on our daughter, that’s when I started fighting back. I left him with the help of my family ( Daddy ) that’s now gone , 6 months ago he passed. I was an addict too. Been clean & sober now for a little over 8yrs. My first husband put my daughter and I through hell once he came back to Pa 2yrs later. I fought hard with the help of my parents to keep her safe and he gave up his rights for attempt of court. He wanted child support lowered. I also had a PFA against him for my daughter and I both. Ugh! That did not amount to anything. I remarried while going thru all the court fighting, even got cys called on my by my first ex twice. Trying to prove I was a bad mom. My 2nd marriage , I ended up finding text messages and pics, very explicit pics of him and the girls he was talking to all over the US actually. I finally had enough. It was literally killing me in more ways then one. But I never fell off , I never picked up the drug or the drink. My daughter suffers from deep depression and anxiety. Now that my daddy has gone, he was the only true father figure in her life. It has been a real struggle. I have a loving, supportive family, could not ask for better best friends, and Beautiful Disaster, I wear their clothing all over. Thank you for sharing your story. In time, I hope to share my whole story as well.

Arleen Peterson 14 days ago

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. It’s inspiring to me that one day I may be able to share my story. I am so happy for you that you made it to the other side with love. Life can definitely be a struggle but we all deserve to feel pride and love in ourselves.

Sandi Barnes 14 days ago

You are a very beautiful lady and you are an inspiration to me and I’m sure anyone who knows your story! Thank you

Sandi Barnes 14 days ago

You are a very beautiful lady and you are an inspiration to me and I’m sure anyone who knows your story! Thank you

amanda w belt September 8 2021

Your truly a inspiration to me thank you for sharing.