Brandi's Story: I've Come Too Far To Stop Now
My name is Brandi and I am a Beautiful Disaster! My mom was a drug addict and my step dad was the dealer, so from a very young age I was responsible for my siblings. I remember taking food stamps out of their pockets because they were passed out and there was no food in the house to feed me or my siblings. I remember CPS in and out of our lives, but nothing changing. In fact, one time, my mom looked at me and said, “If you don’t want to go to foster care, then you better clean this house”.
At the age of 5, I remember my step dad coming into my bedroom and doing things that no child should ever have to do. He told me that my mom would hate us and kick us out if I ever told her what was happening. I finally got the courage to tell her when I was 15, and he was partly correct. My mom told me I was lying, and continued to allow him to live in our home. I felt like he won, that she loved him more than me.
Needless to say, I got pregnant with my first child at the age of 16 and to be honest, I planned to have the baby. I had already raised my siblings and this opportunity was a way out of my parents house. I had a baby boy one month after I turned 17.
By now, all of my siblings were getting high with my parents. I wanted nothing to do with drugs. My step dad did a speed ball and had a stroke. I watched my mom go crazy for a week, watching him be on life support. I was there watching her screaming about the dogs in the ICU, (she was on crystal meth seeing things) and I held her tight when they pulled the plug as he passed.
I just wanted to be loved and got together with a man 20 years older, who was also drug addict. When I was 19 years old, he cheated on me and I got even by getting high for the first time. I felt as if the gates of heaven opened up. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged! My whole life I was the out cast of the family because I didn’t use or want to use drugs, but now I felt important!
For the next seven years, I had 2 more children. I was using and selling drugs to support my using. I used until I was 7 months pregnant with my third child. I had all 3 of my children with me every step of the way, in every dealers house, sleeping in strangers house. I eventually lost my house and had my children sleeping in our car bouncing from couch to couch. In the end, living in a tent, thinking everything was great because I didn’t have to share my drugs with any one.
When I was 26, I got pulled over for a cracked windshield (thanks to an abusive boyfriend) and was arrested for possession of a controlled substance, driving with out a license, unregistered car, no insurance, and yes, my children were in the car with me! I remember looking at my children, crying for me, sitting on the side of the road, while I was in hand cuffs. CPS took my kids, I went to jail and did 4 out of 6 months. I promised myself that I was going to change right here and now!! I knew my children are my world and I wasn’t going to go through life without them!
I got my GED in jail, I got out and did 90 days in rehab, then 18 months of outpatient. I lived in sober living for a year and got my children back exactly 9 months from the day of my arrest. I got a job as a dish washer and got a house of our own and started my life!
I am 16 years clean of drugs!!!! I have 2 administrator license for assisted living for dementia. My two youngest children don’t remember me high! I work every day to remember where I come from and strive daily to be better! I strive daily to remember that I am worthy of being beautiful! Ever time I wear my BD clothing I feel beautiful.
Every collection of Beautiful Disaster is my favorite. I cannot pick one as I relate to them all! Thank you Christina and the Beautiful Disaster brand for making a clothing line that makes me feel not only beautiful, but also helps me to see just how far I really have come!