I was transformed into a Beautiful Disaster once I was able to accept myself as a woman that is "worthy enough to be Loved", to have my voice, to be free from abuse, self persecution & judgment from those whom do not have large enough feet to wear my f#@%ing shoes!
I identify with all of the BD collections. However, I was diagnosed with bipolar1, panic disorder, personality disorder & anxiety disorder around 16 years old. I was raped at 15 & I then became an Iv drug user, alcoholic, food addict & had suicide as my only way out or the only way to finally have relief. I obviously suck at suicide, thank you God! So, to be honest, it depends on my mood that day as to which collection resonates with me. It is my AMROR & I feel like a bad ass when I wear my BD Fearlessly Authentic bundle, baby! It also helps having a mastiff as my psychiatric service dog 🐕🦺. She is amazing, her name is Steel & I trained her myself. It's been over a year & her & I are still learning to trust each other. She had it rough too, but we are getting stronger together ❤.
My life before was full of abuse, domestic violence, chaos, vengeance, abandonment, self hate, self harm, self destruction & PAIN!!! I have survived my life so far & NOW, I Want To LIVE!!! I've been given another chance & I don't want to F@%# it up! I was able to receive treatment for my addictions while in prison. That was a sincere blessing from my Creator.
What happened? Well, I got pregnant & had my daughter in May of 2011. I had to then leave her in June of 2013 to serve some time behind the gate for making really bad choices while in active addiction. I lost everything including my daughter! Since then, I keep "my side of the street clean" & do the "next right thing " & it always rolls exactly like it's supposed to. I have been sober since July 3rd, 2013!
Life now is very precious ❤! I have come from a deep dark & hopeless hell. I miscarried our son this past March 2021. I feared a relapse, but pulled through without self medicating. On a lighter note, I won full custody of my daughter, successfully moving out on our own. I met a "handsome devil" & got engaged, he is also in recovery, becoming self sufficient, having gastric bypass surgery & loosing 152 pounds & was deemed disabled due to my bipolor 1 & panic disorder. I am now able to work on "me", so that I can continue to heal & help another. I am ok with being considered "disabled". NO word defines me! I can walk with my head held high & be proud of my life & the Beautiful Disaster that I am!!!
My all time favorite collection is "Fearlessly Authentic" because that is an intention I strive for everyday! To really know thyself is to love thy self. Most days I am able to rise above the BS & be true to myself & the ones I love! Every day is a fight but now it's the "Good Fight". My dream is to help another by creating a channel dedicated to women & men who think they lost the fight but got right the F#&@ back up anyway & prevailed "not in the end" but the beginning of our new chapter in living a life that we built on our terms so that we can share our Authentic Selfs with no apologies!
Love to ❤ all of my rad Beautiful Disasters & Tribies!