Zoe's Story: She lost her best friend and the soul mate she never believed existed.
So, my name is Zoe D’Apollo. I'm from Worcester Massachusetts. What makes me a Beautiful Disaster is that my life has been rough from the get go, and I have a beautiful life today. My early life was hard. I come from a broken home. My father left when I was 6 and I didn’t see him again until I was almost 18. I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother and her boyfriends.
I witnessed years of her own severe abuse by boyfriends and ex-husband. I never felt cared about or loved. I turned to drugs and alcohol and ended up a heroin addict. I went through years of hurting people that loved me and destroying myself. I tried to take my own life more than a few times. I ended up in psych wards and detox. I was convinced I was going to die an addict.
In 2011 I left my first husband, a choice I made due to the damage I had done in our relationship. I got clean for the first time by working a 12-step program. In 2011 I also I met my soul mate and in 2012 we had a son, got married, and built the amazing life we had up to this past January. We went from having nothing, not even our own place, to owning our own home and having careers that afforded us a comfortable life. We were together for 8 and a half years and on January 8th, 2020 my husband died of a drug overdose. He had relapsed shortly before his death. My son, now almost 8 years old, lost his father, I lost my best friend and the soul mate I never believed existed.
I drank every day to cope with the depression, but it obviously made it worse. I was not working my recovery at all. I stopped using again on April 1st, 2020 and got back into the recovery fellowship I belong to and I have been able to stay substance free since. I came across this site and these stories in an ad on a social media platform and related to some of the stories I’ve heard. I relate to pain, loss, trauma, and being a survivor.
I wanted to share my story to hopefully help another person who has been through anything like this and let them know that you can get better. I want to give up some days, but as time goes on it’s easier to get out of bed and take care of my child and home, to push forward, work, and let love in my life. I can’t spend the rest of my life in the mind frame that nothing will last, I will lose anything I ever love, that I’m cursed. I’m blessed.
I’m blessed that despite all the trauma, I have so much love in my life. I have people in my life today that would do anything for me. I am still able to love fiercely. I have hope and faith today, things that I thought were gone forever. Thank you for reading my story and for existing, for creating such a beautiful place for us to share and clothing to proudly wear. Beautiful disaster says it all. Beautifully broken. Not destroyed, damaged forever. Now I can wear my victory on my body, for those days where I can’t muster a smile for anyone, your clothes say it for me. “You Don’t Know My Story”. My wings are there for everyone to see.
Thank you with love,