Tracie's Story: I Have Always Found A Way
February 17 2023
February 17 2023
I grew up with an alcoholic dad, every morning I would wake up with an upset stomach (most of the time on edge). When I was 12, my mom had made the decision to divorce him as she had to do what was best for my sister and I, as well as herself. I’m not saying we had a bad childhood, but a lot of times wasn't peaches and cream, never knowing what kind of dad we were going to get when he got home. (My dad was a caring man and would give you the shirt off his back, just couldn't shake this demon). My mom and him were always arguing when he was in that state and she was pretty much a single mom of 2. (Never abusive thank god) About 6 months or so later my mom met another man and we moved from our home to his. (I was not happy) A few years later they married. About a year later, he filed for divorce (as him and I bumped heads, he gave my mom an ultimatum her or me) So, as any mom would do she chose her child. We moved out and moved into an apartment. It was the 3 musketeers - us against the world, as my mom worked hard to provide for us. Her and my dad became best of friends, and my sister and I would go stay with our dad on weekends.( Still drinking) About 4 months later, we ended up back at my step dads. (They have been married 34 years. (She is not happy which makes me sad) When I was 17, my dad committed suicide the day before his 41st birthday. My boyfriend, at the time, and I went to his house and had found him. My dad and I had been fighting for a few months and were just starting to talk again when this happened. I carry this guilt with me because I didn't get to tell him how much I LOVED HIM! At 21 I met my daughter's father, This was a toxic back and forth relationship for years. At 26 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, who was 3 weeks early and was born on the day my dad passed away. I almost lost my life as I was hemorrhaging bad. 3 weeks later (on the day of or after she was supposed to be born), my grandpa passed. At 30, I finally decided to leave her father for good (he was in and out of her life) and I was a single mom.I ended up reuniting with my very first love when I was 13! ALL these years later. He took on my daughter( Logan Renee) as his own and he was and is DAD. Its been 16 years off and on with him as well (back and forth cheating) he BROKE me! We are now passed that and still hanging on (we can't seem to let go, each other's kryptonite) BUT during ALL this it made me STRONG and who I am today! In April 2018, 3 weeks after Logan's 16 birthday, our home caught fire and we lost everything! (All Logan knew and watched her whole life burn to the ground) I ended up taking care of everything as my mom had a nervous break down (I couldn't have done it without the strength that the lord gave me). We rebuilt and now have a brand new beautiful home. I pursued my childhood dream and became a pre school teacher almost 8 years now.
I have always, since childhood, been a SURVIVOR I have always found a way.. That's what I call a WARRIOR! AND GET IT ALL FROM MY AMAZING MOM! Who is still standing strong and fighting through every day with her health and strength she has. Logan is now almost 21 and I am now doing me! What makes me happy and taking the adventures! YOLO
I feel that all this has made me the perfectly imperfect beautiful disaster I am today and still learning! My favorite is the Broken line, To Love Me is to love every part of broken I ever been!
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and how I've over came and survived!
MUCH LOVE TO THE BD FAMILY AND TRIBE!
Thanks for being there!