Taking My Life Back: Judy’s Journey from Narcissistic Abuse to Self-Rescue

What makes you a Beautiful Disaster?
My life has been a series of disasters, but I am still standing.

Why do you identify with the Beautiful Disaster brand?
Because it stands for women taking our power back!

Tell us your Beautiful Disaster story:
I recently left an 8-year stretch with a full-on narcissistic man. He put me and my son through hell for 7 years of it. I could never do enough. Everything I did was wrong.

I worked nights—he would wake me up after 3, maybe 4 hours of sleep. He’d make me run him all over the place. I would get home, do dishes, cook dinner—which he always had something shitty to say about—and then go to work again. Then he would attack me about the rest of the home not being clean enough. When was I supposed to have time?

He would say or do something and then flip the narrative to make me believe he never said it. He literally changed my belief system on what love was supposed to be—what it was supposed to feel like.

I was constantly blamed for flirting with, talking to, or sleeping with anyone and everyone. In his opinion, my son (now 19) and I were stupid and worthless. He would scream in our faces. Break things. He loved intimidation.

Eventually, I completely shut down. When I finally started to wake up and speak up, he got really, really bad. He used every tactic he had in his arsenal. But I stood my ground and I left.

I've gone through full-blown panic attacks, nightmares, regrets... I've even missed him. But I’ve stayed strong. I’m not apologizing for no reason to everyone anymore. I am slowly reclaiming my identity again. It’s a new identity to me, but I’m making peace with the fact that I will never be who I was before him again.

I will be stronger because of him.
My son is healing as well. My biggest regret is letting him go through that—but we are coming out on the other side, and we are healing. And that is beautiful to me.

It’s hard to put in writing everything we went through, but it was bad. It went on far too long.

I paid all the bills the entire time. Worked myself to death to provide for everyone. And he had me absolutely convinced I could never make it on my own. I finally realized—if I could pay all our bills together, I could do it alone.

What happened for you to turn it around?
There’s a phrase: "taking off the rose-colored glasses." I can’t explain it. I woke up one day and started reading about narcissistic abuse. The more I read, the more I realized what I was dealing with.

Name 3 things you’ve done to move closer to happiness:

• I ended it.

• I got my own home.

• I began taking my life back.

What is your favorite Beautiful Disaster collection, past or present, and why?
My favorite is “Hating Me Won’t Make You Pretty.”
The world has gotten so, so mean. This hoodie just resonates with me.