What makes me a Beautiful Disaster...hmm where do I start? Lol. My life was a disaster from the beginning. My mom and dad were both 17 when she got pregnant with me. She abandoned me after birth, leaving my dad, her mom (my grandma), dad, and his mom and family to take care of me. I never seen her again until I was 5yrs old, and at that point she just popped up on some holiday asking my dad to let me go eat with her. He allowed it, and at that point she kidnapped me and moved me about an hour and half away, took my aunt and my grandma (dad's mom) hiring a PI to finally locate me a few months later, but could not do anything because there was never any custody established, so my dad become an alcoholic, drug addict, and my mom was married to the man who raised me as his own. During the time between 1st and 6th grade I became friends with a next door neighbor boy. His dad and older brother molested me for as long as I can remember. I never told. My mom cheated on the man that basically raised me with a friend of his and ended the marriage. She stayed with the friend, and we moved away from where I had lived for years. Her boyfriend ended up beating me up and going to jail, and she left me at the hospital to go bail him out of jail. DSS would not allow me to live with her as long as he was there, so she gave me up and was almost charged with child abandonment because she would not find me a place to stay. So her and him picked me up one day from my friend's aunt's house and took me and all my stuff back to my real dad's and dropped me off. My dad had two other kids at this point with another woman that had 2 others of her own, but the state had taken them all 4 and adopted them out cause of all the drugs and drinking and my dad beating on his girlfriend all the time, and getting caught both of them drunk driving with them in the car over 4 times. She ended up leaving my dad one day and my dad started sexually abusing me. My best friend told the school counselor and DSS took me from them. I went from foster home to group home after group home, mom or dad had no contact with me again until I turned 17.  Aged out, moved back with my dad and he got me strung out drugs. I finally left and joined the military and got away from everyone and everything  where I met my ex husband and had my babies. After 10 years of marriage, I walked out and left him, we just didn't get along. No love. All my next 3 relationships were with very abusive men, each one worse than the one before. Ended with me being stabbed in the head 7 times. My ex husband took my kids to PA to live after my son walked in and saw my boyfriend. at the time. holding a gun to my head right before he went to school that morning. In my addiction I've been raped, I've sold myself, I've been through about anything that you can imagine if you think of all the worst possible things that your daughter or any female could ever possibly go through I've been through it. I ended up going to prison and saved my life. I've got clean and sober and now I've got my own place to live. I'm still staying single though I'm not ready to date anymore, I'm still learning to love myself. I still have trouble with that on some days and I'm doing a good relationship with my kids that I missed out on a lot of them growing up. The one thing I'm so proud of is no matter what I've been through or how many times I've walked through hell, I've never been bitter or angry. I've always had one of the biggest hearts ever have one of the softest and biggest hearts ever and I try to help anybody I can because I've been there and I know what it feels like to feel alone and not have anybody and that's one of the worst feelings in the world to ever have. That's why I have Beautiful Disaster tattooed on my chest cuz that's exactly what I am - a Beautiful Disaster.


Bella said:

I related to your story, made me cry. Like you, I have always kept my heart open to the suffering and needs of others. Sometimes to my own detriment. Yet when I need help, I’m alone in my trauma…Eventually stuff just works out, the situation ends, life moves on. You remember to stay soft and strong because that’s our secret weapon somehow.
We’re still here, right? No bitter bitches!
Good Luck and Take Care! 😊💋

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January 13, 2023