What makes you a Beautiful Disaster?
I'm still alive—and kicking ass.
Why do you identify with the Beautiful Disaster brand?
The quotes.
Tell us your Beautiful Disaster story:
I'm AJ from West Virginia (and Anchorage, Alaska). I’ll be turning 50 this August, and I feel so extremely lucky to have the coolest, most creative daughter in the world—with quite the broad vocabulary and moods, lol. She’s my miracle, a gift from God!
Through three marriages and many other relationships over the years, I’ve had at least five miscarriages. For 20 years, my gynecologist kept telling me everything looked fine reproductively. I finally got tired of hearing that and, with my 40th birthday approaching, I decided it was time to “sh*t or get off the pot,” so to speak. I was ready to become a mom—no matter what it took.
I asked my doctor to do exploratory surgery, because I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, after removing endometriosis growths, repairing a torn uterus, and unkinking my colon, everything changed. Within a couple of weeks—Lily Aurora was in my belly!
My mom sadly passed away in a horrific auto accident on February 3, 2001. The West Virginia Department of Highways had been warned about black ice on a secondary road but failed to clear it. My mom hit the ice and slammed sideways into a tree that should never have been that close to the road. A well-tender who had been driving behind her witnessed the entire accident. Because of that loss, our daughter has no grandparents. I’m an only child, so she has no aunts or uncles either. My so-called dad chooses not to associate with us, using Vietnam-induced PTSD as his reason… smh.
What happened for you to turn it around?
He finally crossed the line into physical abuse, on top of all the mental torment. He loved to choke me, slap-fight me, smack me so hard my earrings flew out of my ears. One time, he hit me with the corner of a TV—right between my ribs. That recovery was brutal.
But what hit the hardest was seeing the cold, dead look in his eyes while his fingers were wrapped around my throat. I could tell he truly hated me. I could feel he might actually kill me—in front of our 9-year-old daughter.
Name 3 things you’ve done to move closer to happiness:
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Recently—and very reluctantly—I’ve finally accepted the fact that after 15 years of my daughter’s father’s disrespect and head games, he will never change.
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I’ve made way more time for myself and started indulging in much-needed self-care.
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And last—but absolutely most important—I’ve finally started getting to know my daughter like I should have been able to for nearly 10 years, without someone jumping in between us just to put me down in front of her.
What is your favorite Beautiful Disaster collection, past or present, and why?
Probably a tank top from a collection about three years ago—“You Don’t Know My Story.”
But honestly, I love my “Hating Me Isn’t Gonna Make You Prettier” zip-up hoodie!
Comments
Amy Deem said:
Thank u 4 including me….luv BD clothing….rock on!🤘😘❤️🙏
Jackie Elizabeth said:
I’m truly heartbroken for what you and your little girl had to go through with I just pray she doesn’t think that that’s how someone who claims to love you should treat another person like that because it’s Not how you should have been treated at all. I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 24 he definitely no w wsaint and I’m at the point where idk how I feel anymore he’s done alot of things he shouldn’t have to me the one he supposedly loves we have 3 kids together I did try to end it a few years ago but he always manages to make me change my mind it’s not like I have anyone to talk to about our relationship I don’t have any friends anymore and I don’t know if it’s cause of him or me I feel like I’m a good person with a good heart.Anyways stay strong and keep doing you, you deserve someone who will love you and your daughter the way you deserve!! Stay strong and keep moving forward
Brittany Hall said:
U are an awesome individual and a beautiful mom , sadly no one should go through abuse and I am starting to learn all about this abuse and hatred from my so called husband and I feel he is going to end up killing me but I am here for my 3 daughters ! Prayers for the best ❤️
Theresa Hayes said:
Good for you, AJ. It takes enormous strength and courage to leave an abuser, and you did it!!! Mist importantly, you taught your daughter how to handle an abusive situation by getting out. I don’t know if counseling is an option, but I do know that kids in abusive situations carry a LOT of baggage from being exposed to it in the early years. Sometimes it doesn’t even show up for years, but we hold onto it, bury it, and it definitely impacts future relationships. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really happy you are free at last. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Tairum Smith said:
I love this story and her currage
Julia said:
Thanks so much for your straight up honesty. God was holding you and your daughter tight. I think trauma healing is the hardest. With all that you’ve been through AJ you are definitely on your way. I can relate to the abuse from my daughters dad. He had me on the ground with a knife at my throat. When I got up I kicked his ass out. My daughters birthday was the n next day. She turned 1. Thank God she doesn’t remember any of that. We are true warriors. Keep rocking sister.
Diane Hayes said:
Hello AJ, I understand the abuse you went through and can relate.I am 65 and just finished raising a granddaughter.Left husband’s as I didn’t want my 2 girls thinking abuse is ok.I am so proud of you it’s a process and glad your getting to know you daughter.I have same shirt " You dont know my story" and wear it alot.Keep going and dont belive the lies from the enemy, forgiving them and moving forward was the best thing I ever did for myself,Freedom in forgiveness. Always believe in you and glad you have your lovely daughter what a blessing Diane
Onna said:
I too have suffered from all types of abuse but physical. Finally made it out after 22 yrs and currently rebuilding my relationship with my daughter as well. Best thing I’ve done for me was to put me first! After a year and a half I met the man of my dreams and the healing process though never fully completed is just another step in my journey of happiness. Do life for you! Live hating me doesn’t make you prettier! That slaps!