What makes you a Beautiful Disaster?
I'm still alive—and kicking ass.
Why do you identify with the Beautiful Disaster brand?
The quotes.
Tell us your Beautiful Disaster story:
I'm AJ from West Virginia (and Anchorage, Alaska). I’ll be turning 50 this August, and I feel so extremely lucky to have the coolest, most creative daughter in the world—with quite the broad vocabulary and moods, lol. She’s my miracle, a gift from God!
Through three marriages and many other relationships over the years, I’ve had at least five miscarriages. For 20 years, my gynecologist kept telling me everything looked fine reproductively. I finally got tired of hearing that and, with my 40th birthday approaching, I decided it was time to “sh*t or get off the pot,” so to speak. I was ready to become a mom—no matter what it took.
I asked my doctor to do exploratory surgery, because I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, after removing endometriosis growths, repairing a torn uterus, and unkinking my colon, everything changed. Within a couple of weeks—Lily Aurora was in my belly!
My mom sadly passed away in a horrific auto accident on February 3, 2001. The West Virginia Department of Highways had been warned about black ice on a secondary road but failed to clear it. My mom hit the ice and slammed sideways into a tree that should never have been that close to the road. A well-tender who had been driving behind her witnessed the entire accident. Because of that loss, our daughter has no grandparents. I’m an only child, so she has no aunts or uncles either. My so-called dad chooses not to associate with us, using Vietnam-induced PTSD as his reason… smh.
What happened for you to turn it around?
He finally crossed the line into physical abuse, on top of all the mental torment. He loved to choke me, slap-fight me, smack me so hard my earrings flew out of my ears. One time, he hit me with the corner of a TV—right between my ribs. That recovery was brutal.
But what hit the hardest was seeing the cold, dead look in his eyes while his fingers were wrapped around my throat. I could tell he truly hated me. I could feel he might actually kill me—in front of our 9-year-old daughter.
Name 3 things you’ve done to move closer to happiness:
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Recently—and very reluctantly—I’ve finally accepted the fact that after 15 years of my daughter’s father’s disrespect and head games, he will never change.
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I’ve made way more time for myself and started indulging in much-needed self-care.
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And last—but absolutely most important—I’ve finally started getting to know my daughter like I should have been able to for nearly 10 years, without someone jumping in between us just to put me down in front of her.
What is your favorite Beautiful Disaster collection, past or present, and why?
Probably a tank top from a collection about three years ago—“You Don’t Know My Story.”
But honestly, I love my “Hating Me Isn’t Gonna Make You Prettier” zip-up hoodie!