Scarred from the inside out…Meet Paula.
Introducing Beautiful Disaster Paula…
I would like to share my story and make it public for the first time. I’ve never talked about my life. I hope it helps someone else whose can relate to why I’m a beautiful disaster.
My name is Paula, I originally hail from San Diego, CA. I was adopted at 1 years old…I’m now 34 years young with a baby face. I was also born with a hemangioma on my face. Since the age of 1 I have had 7 facial and 2 eye reconstruction surgeries. From what they tell me – I’m good I’m the best case most doctors have seen. Reason is I have my eye sight. I have reminents of tumor behind my eye and in my skull. I have to check every two years to make sure I can still see and monitor and get headaches as those are markers for change in my vision.
As a child I grew up in OC with an amazing family. They also adopted two other children, my younger brother Sean and my older brother Stuart. I have had all the love in the world. They made sure I had the surgical procedures necessary for my health and did the best they could raising me.
What they weren’t prepared for was the scar it left.
I have a physical scar over my right eye and cheek. Its noticeable if you look for it. And then there is the emotional scar. I’ve been self conscious my entire life, and yes it’s been my chip. Every adult told me just take it like a duck with water on its back. And that’s what I did. In my early years I acted like I was just like everyone else, made in God’s image. Unfortunately I was bullied all through school and some of college. I went to catholic school and an elementary for CCD. Its where you train for confirmation etc… Those kids were evil. They used to tell me I was Lucifer’s kid. The nuns did nothing about the teasing, they would just turn a cheek. During summer camp kids were creative calling me a burned victim, bitten by an alligator, Freddy Kruger’s child…the list goes on. During a church camp in Middle school I was duct taped to a chair, taunted over a guy I liked (from jr through hs)…my freshman year when I had the entire JV football team go after me and taunt me my first day. At 18 I was raped by 4 guys at a party. I was locked in a room as I was assaulted until each one was done. I can still remember their laughs.
Ive contemplated suicide.
Yet I never have because I know in my heart im here for a greater purpose- to help people achieve their dreams and goals.
Even when doors have literally slammed in my face because i was told i didnt fit the mold because of my scar…I continued to march to my own drum as a rebel without a cause. Im a tatted woman with piercings, gages and i’ve never felt more beautiful. I’ve succesfully worked 17 years in the Fashion Industry crossed over to music and ironically became an image consultant and brand manager. I work for myself doing hair and makeup,consulting, directing, marketing and promotions.
As an Art Director and Agent, I recently groomed a model Maxine Fisher to compete in Musink 2015 in less than 3 months and she’s growing as a well know face. I’m responsible for the marketing and expansion of Enigmatic Tattoo Shop, I work with the band “Spades and Blades” expanding their merch brand by bringing it fashion forward and have worked on set for 4 music videos, directed photoshoots… I’ve created a custom body suit for a sullen angel out of a sullen shirt…the list goes on. I’m excited to be running a “natural beauty” campaign with Sharkeez HB. The goal of the campaign is to celebrate “you”…being natural and being yourself. I’ve been collaborating with them for the past couple Wednesdays and Sundays to bring in new clientele.
My dream is to build out my retail store with the support of Enigmatic Tattoo, Costa Mesa, creatively direct and style and to continue celebrating art, life style and culture under my name Loba Uncensored. Loba being tounge and cheek to my last name Lopez = wolf in Spanish and also to my dominate alpha female personality lol. And uncensored because I don’t want to be afraid or ashamed to discuss any topic. This is my life and I’m choosing to be a better person in this life.
My ultimate goal from all of this. Human connection, empowering and encouraging people. Giving those a chance to dream like myself. Enigmatic has given me the support to open and run a retail division. The insucure girl in me felt liberarion and freedom for the first time to spread her wings and fly. The objective is to give those with a dream a chance to expand in their business. From local bands to local artists and designers we show love and support. I’m excited when we open to introduce them all.
My motive for all of this? Hope. I hope that if I have to be here as hell on earth I can make it better one person at a time. Why? Because I never want people to ever feel the in-justices I have. I want to be the example that with hard work and passion you can achieve your dreams with out judgment of your looks. Just with the time to put in.
I’m a beautiful disaster because I have the mouth of a sailor with a heart wanting to change the world for the better, one smile at a time.
Because as long as I left a smile on your face I did my job.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. I keep myself private so this is the first public share for me. I hope this may encourage others to always fight the good fight, stay strong and with will power you can manifest your dreams.
Describe myself in one word: Rebel
Why do I identify with BD: I appreciate the empowerment and encouragement and brand diversity. I didn’t expect the power BD had for me to share my story. It was cathartic. I’m forever greatful.
My words of wisdom to other BD’s: Be yourself and trust your instincts.
Original Submission: 4/22/15
Would you like to share your story and be featured on the Beautiful Disaster Blog? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org