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Meet Beautiful Disaster Samantha: She is Beautifully Flawed & Complex

Posted on 05 June 2019

Firstly, I’m a single mom of two. I’m beautifully flawed and complex. I’ve been to hell and back and Im proud to be here today to stand tall and say I am strong, I can weather any storm. I didn’t always know I could. At 16 I met a guy who seemed perfect and treated me like a queen. Everything seemed to be just as good as it could be to a girl who had been living on the streets since 12 when her mom kicked her out. Here was a guy who loved me, wanted me, and treated me like I MATTERED, for a year.
 
After that first year, when I had finally said I love you to him, it changed so quickly and drastically that I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. One moment things were fine and the next he “accidentally “ smashed my head into the doorway. I got the normal words of "I’m so sorry", "it was an accident" but I knew it wasn’t. And from there it got worse.
 
You see what I didn’t know, and my Prince Charming had hid from me and hid well -was his drug problem. Which had taken a turn for the worst right before that first incident. And with the avid drug use, came the avid beatings. I was young, alone and afraid. I had no one to turn to and was scared. Especially after being told that if I left he would kill me, and I truly believed he would as he had already almost done so.
 
I became his paycheck, working solely for his habit. Until one day I had become so broken that my life no longer mattered. For his bday “present” he insisted I get high with him for the first time. I did not want to but one didn't say no to him so I was made to do it. And it was bliss. No more pain, physically or emotionally, because I was numb.
 
This became my new way of living to deal with my situation. This went on for another 6 years before the law finally caught up with him and he was sent to prison. And I was FREE!! But at this point I was heavily involved in drugs and couldn’t get off them. It took me a few more years to get the courage to get clean and STAY clean. I had tried a dozen times to stay clean. But it was when I had been clean for 6 weeks and I was super sick still that I went to Dr. and found out I was 5 weeks pregnant! That was such a scary thing to know not only did I have a life growing inside of me that I didn’t have a clue how I was going to take care of but to know had I waited any longer to attempt getting clean my child would have been affected by my heroin use.
 
This was the wake up call I needed. This was my salvation. My strength to do the impossible and STAY clean. That was 13 years ago. And while I am still flawed and I’m perfectly imperfect and a beautiful disaster, I am a strong beautiful mother of two who has walked through hell and lived to tell the tale. I am here to raise a man and a woman who will strive to be strong, courageous and kind. There’s NOTHING more perfect than that. 
 
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. 
 
Samantha B

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8 comments

  • Tara: June 06, 2019

    What an incredible, strong, beautiful role model for your children. You’re a warrior. Blessings to you Beautiful Disaster 💞

  • Christina Marie: June 05, 2019

    You’re an inspiration to us all! You’ve made such progress turning something that seemed hopeless into a family with a strong mother. You had a huge decision to make and you made the right one. In the words of Daphne Willis— you’re somebody’s someone.You should also check out her song I am enough.

    All of the lies I believed got the better of me
    Never thought there could be so much doubt
    All the blame and the hate, the self-hurt and the heartbreak
    A fist that kept holding me down

    And I was my own worst enemy
    And I found my way through it all and finally I see

    I am enough
    Just as I am
    Feel right at home anywhere that I stand
    Hold out my heart in the palm of my hand
    And I live my life like nobody else can
    I am, I am
    I am enough

    I am enough for the laughter
    The life that I’m after
    Enough for my wildest dreams
    Yeah, cuz every flaw from my toe to my jaw
    Is exactly where it’s supposed to be
    And I know I got something to say
    And I’m gunna remind myself every day

    Oh, I used to look in the mirror and see all the fear
    I could see all that fear in my eyes
    Then I saw it get clearer like, like the blue in the sky
    After that storm rolls through, the sun will shine down on you

    I’ll sing it again
    I am, I am
    I am enough
    All those lies I believed, got the better of me
    Never though there could be so much doubt

  • JennyD: June 05, 2019

    What an incredible story. You are truly a phoenix. I hope you always stay proud of your accomplishments. Best wishes and May God always Bless you.

  • Joyce Stinson: June 05, 2019
    Such a great story. You are as strong as they come. Keep it up. God Bess you and your family.
  • Stephanie: June 05, 2019

    Your story is so encouraging and means so much. I never really thought about other people’s stories or how they became the truly brave inspiring strong women that they are, children, parents, stepparents, grandparents, men, soldiers. All walks of life. Everyone has a story that has molded them into the beautiful disasters that we are today. Beautiful being the key word. Beautifully unique. I learn so much from someone’s story everyday. I’m still writing my story…I do know that what I have learned I want to teach people. To make their story a little easier if I can. I learned I can’t do it for them. But I can show them and teach them the skills I’ve learned. Sorry for the rambling but your story truly inspired me

  • Lisa Dianne: June 05, 2019

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s not easy to overcome such an addiction! You are a true inspiration… Keep taking it one day at a time. You got this!

  • Heidi Julius: June 05, 2019

    Amen! What an amazing story! An inspiration to many! Congratulations on your success! Thank you for sharing your story!

  • Christie Marie: June 05, 2019

    Samantha B
    Sister Sister what an Amazing Grace story , continue to inspire others ❤️

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