TW: Sexual Abuse
My life definitely has had its ups and downs. Starting with being molested at 12 by my best friends older brother. I left the next morning and never spoke to her or her family again. I have never told anyone about this or other things that happened to me, like being drugged and raped at 15.
I went through horrible boyfriends, abusive, physically and mentally over the years. Got married in 2005, first child by 2006, then left my husband by the end of 2006 because I couldn’t raise my son in that environment nor did I feel my husband was a good example of a good man for our son. Two weeks after I left, I found out I was pregnant again with our daughter. I was a single mom of two kids and had to think quick about how I was going to do it. It was definitely a struggle, but I always made things work. We lived in Michigan at the time, but my parents and sister with her two kids had moved to Florida. One day my sister called and said she really needed help with her kids, so she could take a promotion at work. So, the kids and I moved to Florida in 2009.
I worked real hard to get us in a comfortable place, got a full time job and after a promotion at work I was able to get us our own apartment.  Life was good. I found a great man who was a single dad and it didn’t take long before we became a blended family. After a year of this, happiness changed something in me. I didn’t see it at first, I thought there was nothing wrong with me, so things got worse and our happy home turned to a crazy one. He tried to stick it out, but I don’t blame him for leaving since I refused to believe there was anything wrong with me.
It took some time after he left and a hard talk with my kids to realize there was something wrong and I needed help.
I was diagnosed with PMDD. After a few adjustments with medication, I was back to myself again and even feeling happier than ever. The kids and I were doing great. I met a new man and fell super in love. After a year of dating we moved in together and thing were great. Then, after 6 months, I started noticing changes in him. He kept say I was crazy, too annoying and nosey, but I knew him well enough he was hiding something. It took some time and sneaking around, but I finally put the pieces together and snuck up on him and caught him red handed. He was abusing pain meds, so much so that he was crushing them up and snorting them.
After a big fight then a very long talk, he said he wanted to get off of it, but he needed to do it cold turkey and have me by his side while he went through detox. I was on board and ready to fight this with him. We went to bed the night before we were going to start and was woken up at 4 am by my father. He gave us the worst news, my sister was gone. She had heart attack at 44 years old! We lost her May 27th, 2021. She had two adult children and a six year old little boy. My heart was broken, but I had to keep myself together because I was the only in a position to take my nephew in. My boyfriend and I decided to move forward with the detox before my nephew came to live with us. We did it! So I thought!
I went to work as soon as I thought it was safe enough but I was wrong. He decided to celebrate his recovery from the detox by going out with friends to get drunk. He came home wasted and said horrible things. I asked him to stay away for the night. I woke up the next morning to the most horrific text messages. He even went as far as saying nasty things about my nephew, telling me it was a huge mistake taking him in and he hated me for it. Needless to say my heart was broken once more, not only did I lose my sister, but now I learn that the man I once loved is a monster. I packed his things and texted him back that he could come pick up his things because someone that could be so hateful towards a child was no longer welcome in my home.
Now here I am - a single mom to two teenagers and now my 6 year old nephew. I now work even more so I can cover the bills on my own. It’s not easy, way harder than ever before, but I would never give my nephew up for anything in the world. We live off my paycheck week to week. I don’t receive child support for my kids. It’s my income alone that pays all the bills. So, while I’m writing this my life is still a struggle, but I refuse to give up.
I love everything Beautiful Disaster stands for and can’t possibly pick only one of the collections. I would rock every single item if I could afford it, but when I do have a little extra money for myself this is the first place I go to shop! I love you guys and so thankful I have found this beautiful community to be a part of. So much so that the first thing I ever read on this site is now tattooed on my body! Thank you BD for being an inspiration to so many! ❤️❤️

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January 27, 2022