Every lil girl dreams of having this amazing life when they grow up. Picture perfect isn’t always the case. I was that little girl with the big dreams. 
     Born with some physical challenges I was a happy kid that marched to the beat of my own drum. Nothing could stop me. I did things my own way. My grandmother raised me most of the time due to the emotional and physical abuse from my parents. The physical I could take however it’s hard to get words out of your head once they’re spoken.
    I spent years thinking I wasn’t pretty enough. Not good enough. Unloveable.  This began a pattern in my life. I was in abusive relationships. I was cheated on and I was raped. Low self esteem can really cause you to make some bad choices and I did. I thought I was broken. Tears and countless prayers just didn’t seem to help. I was in such a dark place. 
     I experienced unconditional love when my best friend entered my life. It didn’t seem real. He loved me for me. He didn’t care what I looked like. I felt beautiful when I was with him. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for anyone. My world came crashing down when his heart stopped. 
     After his death everything seemed to fade to black again, but I had a lot of time on my hands to think. I learned a very valuable lesson from that.  I took a deep look at my life and it suddenly sank in. Each time something happened in my life I got right back up and I carried on. I never was bitter or angry. I still remained with a loving, sensitive heart. I realized that I fought through it all. I actually was loveable and worth it. I raised 3 beautiful kids by myself and they turned out to be amazing people. I broke out of that shell. My life didn’t break me and I wouldn’t change a single thing because it’s made me the strong individual I am today.   
    I’m not saying each day is rainbows and sunshine. There’s still storms I go through. There’s beauty in it at the end. Broken? No. That was all in my head. The truth when my eyes were finally opened and I broke those chains that I put on myself is that I’m a Beautiful Disaster.

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October 27, 2022