Meet Tribe Member Nichole

My husband and I have been married almost 9 years. We have 3 gorgeous babies together. We've been through so much together. So this year, when he started changing, I was like WTF is wrong with this man that I love more than life itself? In July he tells me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and asked for a divorce. I knew right then there was another woman, but he denied it and I wanted so badly to believe him that I did. He and I decided we'd give marriage counseling a try. As the weeks went on, things went from bad to worse. He was back and forth constantly on his feelings, which caused me to be that way as well. Scared mostly. He had a trip planned in August to go to "visit family". We live in Iowa and they live in Alabama. I asked him was the trip really to meet someone, even his family knew it was not normal to go on trips without me. He denied it. The 1st night he was there, I realized he did not log out of a tablet we use. I found things, including messages between him and her. She was supposed to be there in the condo when he arrived. Of course I lost it, I messaged her from his account asking if she'd f*cked my husband that day. I then called him and he was still trying to deny it, until I started reading the messages out to him. He claimed she did not show up. We were going to work through this. 2 weeks after he returned (after lying to me and his family to their faces) I find out she did indeed show up that day. He had no problem finally sharing the details with me. Still I loved him and he made a mistake right? So, I forgave him and we were trying to move forward. We took a nice 2 day trip together to talk and talk through things. It was great, amazing even. I thought, yes this is going to be okay. I had bad days that I was a bi*ch of course. Triggers would set me off. The therapist said I was suffering from Post Infidelity Stress Disorder. Night sweats, constant fear ... well, this past Saturday I was using his phone and something popped up. He had a secret Google account. I confronted him, the old pw was her name/bday, but he had changed it. As I was asking him for the new one and he claimed to not remember, I just started pasting his saved pws in and one opened it. I told him that's fine deny and hide, I have the pw now and I'll leave the room. He flipped, he jumped up, put me in choke hold multiple times until I lost my grip on the phone. My oldest (18 from my 1st marriage) called 911. He was arrested and is now on a no contact order. But it hurts, it hurts so bad. I love this man, I've loved him from day one, the 1st date. I'd been through so much when I met him. My father was murdered when I was 14, by a man named Michael Myers, believe it or not. You can look him up on the MDOC website. I had been raped at 15 by my mom's boyfriend. I was in an abusive relationship with my 1st child's father for years. He knew all this, I never thought he'd ever hurt me emotionally nor physically. Who knew I could be so VERY wrong. I've survived so much in my life in my 41 years, but seeing my kids go through this (our kids together are ages 6, 4, and 3) has been the most painful thing, trying to make myself let him go is just unbelievably hard. I had not realized he had not been paying the bills either. We received a disconnect notice on the power bill. Rent is 1000 behind and due again on the 1st. Car payment is a month late, and now he's physically removed from the home. I saw that shirt and it made me want to feel that way again. I know I can be strong, but it's going to take so much work. I can't take him back, he's not the man I fell in love with anymore. He's a monster now, but I will say he's a good daddy and the kids miss him. It's hard to explain to them because of their ages. So, all I can say is "daddy loves and misses you very much, you'll see him again soon". None of this is their fault, yet they are suffering just as much if not more than I am. Anyway that's my story in a nutshell. Thank you for giving ladies like myself (I know there are thousands more out there struggling to be enough) a chance to get one of your beautiful tees for free. It would mean so much to me right now.

UPDATE: My story unfortunately ended much worse. My husband passed away on November 7th, very unexpectedly from complications with Pancreatitis. We had decided to continue to work on our marriage and unfortunately it was too late.  He was only 35 and we have 3 young children together. I'm devastated . Life will never be the same. Regardless of what he'd put me through the last few months before his death, for 8 years he was an amazing husband and father. My doctor that performed his autopsy said he'd prob been in extreme pain for months which could've been the trigger for the negative behavior.