My name is Kristina and I am 41 years old. I was scrolling the internet and I ran across the Beautiful Disaster clothing line. It fit exactly who I was. It told my story and what I have been through. I fell in love with the brand instantly.

What makes me a beautiful disaster? Where do I even begin? My story begins all the way back to childhood. I was the oldest of four girls. Coming from a broken home. My mother has been married 5 times. 3 of those were just during my childhood. I had to deal with a lot of verbal, emotional and physical abuse growing up by my mother and my father figures. I dealt with being sexually molested starting at age 11 by my father and older step brother.

I was homeless living on the streets at 15. I was pregnant and married at age 17 thanks to my mother forcing me to marry a man I didn’t even know because I was pregnant. He was a drug addict and alcoholic. We had two boys and were married for 4 years. He lied during our divorce and was awarded custody of my boys. I found some comfort in someone else’s arms just to figure out he was a monster. Very abusive I was getting beat almost on a daily basis.

Ended up in the hospital a couple times at his hands and once fighting for my life. Him and I had two boys together, just to be ripped from my arms by the Department of Human Services thanks to him being a sex offeneder, which even being with him for 4 years I had no idea. DHS didn’t even give me a chance to leave with my children. I was finally able to get away from him. I fought for my babies for well over 2 years and no matter what I did it wasn’t good enough.

They ended up terminating his and my rights and my boys were adopted by their aunt on his side who had nothing to do with him, I was able to stay in their life as their “Aunt”. I was finally able to get out of that abusive relationship. I finally got on my feet and stable. I fought for my older two boys and finally got custody back of them. So then I was a single mom raising my babies, one being with special needs (my youngest was diagnosed with high functioning autism, learning disability and non verbal communication disorder, so he doesn’t understand body language, hand jesters, tone of voice, things like that) which made it a little harder but more rewarding.

Fast forward a few years and I found out I had stage 3 cervical and ovarian cancer. I was able to fight that and the doctors got it all with surgery.

Fast forward a couple more years and I found a man I thought was all that and married him. He turned out to be an alcoholic and drug addict also. Even though I was now married I was still a single mom cause he hardly worked and when he did he used his money for his bad habits so I was still working at least two jobs to pay the bills. He was never home cause he was always parting with his friends and cheating on me.

During this horrible marriage I had to help my oldest son at the age of 15 fight cancer himself. He had a cancer tumor in his appendix and his upper colon. They did surgery and three days later had to do another surgery to make sure they got it all. A year went by and he was still having stomach issues so they took his gallbladder and found another cancer tumor by while in that surgery they made sure they got all the cancer, still to this day now him and I are both cancer free.

After 8 years I couldn’t take this marriage any more so I got divorced again. During the last few years of that marriage I found and became close friends with one of my small town police officer. I worked at the small town one and only gas station, and all of the officers came in and I always picked on them and they would pick back. Then if we were outside at my house they would stop by just to talk.

The one officer I became good friends with stopped by my house one day on his motorcycle and he gave me a ride. We started going for rides a lot and got closer as friends. So fast forward I went through my second divorce, that said officer and I just kept getting closer and now have been together as a couple for almost 4 years and happily married for almost 3 years.

So after everything I have been through I finally found my happiness. The only issue I have now is my health. I had my first lower back surgery in 2014 and the surgeon did a hack job and skipped state the next day. Then in 2018 I had another lower back surgery (different surgeon this time), then in May of 2019 I had a metal plate and 4 screws in my neck. I had to have another neck surgery in Dec of 2019 and now have to deal with degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my whole spine.

So I will more than likely have to have more surgeries and can not work because of it. I also have PTSD and depression that I deal with daily. So today I have an amazing marriage to a man that spoils me and I am so madly in love with. My two older boys have graduated high school and have an apartment together. They both turned out to be amazing young men. My two youngest now know I am mom and we have a good relationship.

My oldest of them two graduated high school and is doing great. My youngest of those two is autisic and is in a home because he has a violent temper and has attacked his adoptive mom a few times. I still talk to him by phone and see him whenever I can. Both boys live 4 hours from me so having a close relationship has had its challenges but we make it work.

Now sitting here looking back on all that I have been through. Yes I have been broken and had to fight every day but I am a survivor, a warrior, independent, strong, and beautiful. I am a Beautiful Disaster. I wouldn’t change any bit of my rough life because it has made me who I am today and I am proud of the women that I see in the mirror because I have fought a long battle but I am still here standing tall. And even though my life is good now I will still keep fighting every day. Thank you for taking time to read my story.

Leave a comment

Please note: comments must be approved before they are published.

July 10, 2020