Jessica's Story: I Am A Survivor and Will Never Stop Fighting

Jessica's Story: I Am A Survivor and Will Never Stop Fighting

 

There are so many things that make me a Beautiful Disaster! I am absolutely imperfect in every way shape and form and I'm perfectly okay with that! I know that I cannot be perfect. We ALL have flaws and that's truly what makes us both unique and beautiful. I am broken beyond repair but my "broken" is part of me and what makes me beautiful. I have many many scars and what I like to call "battle wounds". These, just like my tattoos, are a piece of me and part of my story and journey. Each wound tells a story and struggle that I have been through and overcome in my life. I am a beautiful fucking disaster and I love it!

I can identify with Beautiful Disaster in so many ways! BD is made for women like me; beautifully broken and perfectly imperfect! Beautiful Disaster's clothing literally describes me to the fullest! The brand represents women who are damaged and broken, who have seen rock bottom, who have struggled, who have felt lost and hopeless. I am one of those women. I AM a Beautiful Disaster. I can relate as I have been through much in my life; I've been through things that no human should ever have to go through.. and here I still stand stronger than ever!

I have survived so many struggles and overcome so many things throughout my life. I've learned to accept myself and my flaws and instead of hating them I've learned to love them and love myself, damaged and flawed, as a Beautiful Disaster. I haven't let my scars, my past or my struggles hold me down or hold me back from being the person I chose to be today and doing the things that I love to do! I have gained the courage and inspiration to speak my truth, my story, my journey with other alike women.. and help other women who are struggling and or going through similar things as me! I've helped other women speak their truth and stories, find the confidence to be themselves and to love and accept themselves as they are! I have seen absolute rock bottom and still found the strength and courage to fight my battles and hold my head up high.

Life has been so many things for me.. but I most certainly can say that it's been HARD. I have faced and gone through more trials and tribulations than anyone I know. I've been through things that no woman should have to ever experience. Life has been one struggle after another, one fight after the next. I have seen below rock bottom. I have seen death, more than one time.

I have faced and overcome addiction. I have fought the battle of addiction for over 9 years now. I am a recovering IV heroin and cocaine addict. I have struggled and battled with mental health since I was only 14 years old. I have struggled with self esteem and confidence and learning to love myself. I have lost a child. I have struggled with cutting and self harm since I was 14. I have had open heart surgery due to an infection my heart called endocarditis. This infection was cause by IV drug use. The infection deteriorated one of my heart valves and spread throughout my entire body which led me to become septic. I almost died. I have overdosed on multiple occasions. I've had to be narcanned (a medication used to reverse the overdose effects of opioids) I've had to be put in a heat bed to bring my body temperature back up to normal. Again, I was seconds away from being pronounced dead.

I've been found unresponsive on the toilet, been blue, stopped breathing and stared death directly in the eyes more than once. I've been through domestic abuse; mental, physical and sexual. I've been raped. I've been taken advantage of. I've been sexually harassed. I've been bullied. I've been a bully. I've been robbed at gunpoint. I've been stabbed. I've been to jail. I've been to rehab more times than I can even count or keep track of. I've been homeless. I've gone hungry, slept in the cold, on abandoned house floors, in a field, amongst other places. I've contemplated and planned my suicide. I've cut myself so bad that I needed stitches and bled out for weeks because I didn't get them and self healed my wounds instead to avoid people knowing about my self harm or being put into a mental health facility. I became a teen mother, pregnant in an abusive relationship. My abusers have slapped me, urinated on me, spit on me, choked me, kicked me while on the floor, back handed me, broke my nose, given me a black eye and more. I have lost absolutely everything aand had to start over so many times. I've lost my children and fought so hard to get them back. I have been through more pain than any soul should ever have to endure, but I am a survivor and I will never stop fighting.

What made me turn my life around was absolutely my children. If it wasn't for them, I can honestly say that I don't think I would still be here today. They are my reason for living. They are what give me strength and hope. Losing my children, being incarcerated and institutionalized made me want to get clean and better. Hitting rock bottom more than once made me realize that I had to do whatever it took to beat the battle of addiction. It took YEARS but I did it!

My life now is far from perfect, nor is it exactly how or where I want it to be at this point.. but it and I am a work in progress. My life is crazy but I love it. I have my children, I'm clean and my mental health is managed. I'm independent. I have multiple disabilities, but I don't allow them to stop me from working hard and trying to achieve my goals. I run an established Poshmark Boutique. I'm an influencer, which is my absolute passion. In my short amount of time as an influencer I have already had the opportunity to work with huge brands such as Revlon, MAC, Urban Decay, Yves St Laurent, Dove, Kiss, Morganna's Alchemy Laboratories, Playtex, OxiClean, Skin1004, Basic Concepts, Hero Cosmetics, Neutrogena and MORE!! I am beyond grateful for the doors that have opened for me in the influencing industry! I am also and do many other things. I'm a brand ambassador and affiliate for multiple companies. I'm an Amazon associate, blogger, YouTuber, content creator, graphic designer and more! I'm an all around entrepreneur. I also have a new print on demand shop!! My life now has purpose again! I have reasons to want to wake up, to continue to work hard and build my name as an influencer! I am pregnant with another rainbow baby (a baby has after a loss) it's a girl! My life has meaning again. My children keep me motivated and give me a reason to keep working hard at every single thing I do! They drive me to continue to work on myself and continue to better myself and give them the best life that I can possibly provide.

My favorite item from Beautiful Disaster is definitely my black original BD hoodie. This is because it was one of the first items I got from Beautiful Disaster's clothing line. My mom had gotten me a few things from their company for Christmas one year and I absolutely fell in love with it! I loved the brand and their message and meaning so much that I got a tattoo of it to not only represent the brand but to show the world that I am a beautiful disaster and the beauty behind being one! I don't let my struggles or past define who I am today. I represent everything that Beautiful Disaster's brand is. I am forever a Beautiful fucking Disaster! 
You can connect with me on my bio 
TikTok|Instagram|Snapchat @i_amjessiemarie

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