When I was younger I had the dream of saving myself for the right person, my true love. I vowed to the lord I wait till marriage. April 4, 2009 was the day I lost my virginity when I was raped. The day started off normal, was excited to see an old friend from middle school and spend time with him and reconnect. We went to his dads house where we had a cook out with family. We were able to have alone time. He kissed me and told me he wanted me. I got nervous and asked to go home. As he drove he was furious on why I didn’t want him.


I told him I wanted him and those words will forever haunt me. He asked to talk in private so he drove to a parking lot a half mile away from my house. We talked about how we saw a future. He kissed me. He tried to touch me and I pulled away. This time I couldn’t run away. He pinned me down and raped me in his car. Every time I screamed and fought back he would hit me or cover my mouth. When he was done, he left me shaking and crying while he drove. I remember looking at him smiling. He got me home, I was still frozen from the event and couldn’t move. He threw me out of his car and drove off. I laid on my driveway crying, my mom found me. I was told it was a sin and to wash it all away.


The next day I went clothing shopping to cover all the bruises. Two days later I went to school, I told 3 teachers before anything was done. I was rushed to the nurse. I knew I wanted to end my life when I was in the Police Department making my statement. I was interrogated for 2 and half hours on why I would allow a boy to do that. In that short time, I already felt like I was gone, I was no longer alive. Everything around me was dead in my eyes. I felt as if my life was destroyed and there was no coming back.


On April 7th, I went into my bathroom with my goodbye letter and a razor. I was ready to die, but God didn't have that plan for me. I didn't die and neither did my soul; I just needed that push to stay. This event will forever haunt me but I have learned that it can only make me stronger. My mental health will never be the same, however during the moments of change, I saw a bright side; Hope. My hope was knowing I will one day be okay.


Today 9 years later, I am a beautiful disaster, I used my own broken reality as a way to make a difference, I volunteer as a rape crisis counselor. Last year was my first year ever telling my story and I became a member on a survivor panel to show that you can one day be okay. I focused on our criminal justice system and went to school for criminal justice. Now I’m pursuing to become a police officer.

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December 07, 2018