Jennifer A - Her Personal Cycle of Hell

My story... My life has never been easy. Growing up we struggled paycheck to paycheck. My dad comes from the south so I was always picked on because we have an accent. I got to the point i started fighting people. At the age of 10 I was kicked out of regular school and sent to disciplinary school. While I was there, I had a guy show interest.

Well, he came met my dad and talked to him about dating his daughter. Started off good. Only to go around telling everyone I was easy. I never slept with him. I was only 12 at the time. After being picked on and made fun of I kept to myself. I started dating girls at 14. I dated this one girl that had a brother who was really into me. So the girl hooked us up. At that time I was 15. I had talked to the guy about going farther but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

So he got the idea that me being with girls I was more comfortable so he asked his sister. It was all planned out as set up to be all 3 of us. Well I backed out after I got there. He seemed ok with it and offered just to hang out. They gave me a drink. To me it was just tea. But it wasn't. I don't remember anything after that. 

They called a friend of mine to come get me and take me home. I woke up in her car. They told her I passed out. All I remember is my legs hurting. She went back later and found out what happened but never would tell me. I have an imagination. 

After that I got into using heroin. Was shooting it in my legs so school wouldn't find out. After 1 1/2 years I got clean. Only to trade that addiction for another. 

MY PERSONAL CYCLE OF HELL

After heroin it went to over the counter pain pills. Then to drinking. Then to sex. (Mainly girls). I was so bad I lost my daughter to still born. That was the end of the road for me. I got clean. My dad always said I was beautiful and could do anything I wanted. Beautiful I have always been. Being good and making him proud I did not. 

I got myself straight and had my daughter. She is as beautiful as I am. I tell her all the time her mom is a disaster. She tells me I'm beautiful. I want her to see she can go far. I still struggle daily with my addictions but I no longer let them define who I am. I set myself up to fail. I let people treat me like garbage. It took its toll on my body. I have people that have become my friends just to get ahead and screw me over. Then turn against me once I'm no longer useful. 

After coming across BEAUTIFUL DISASTER I started to see I wasn't alone. We all have a past. I started to buy the clothes but the stories that each collection brings out means more to me than the clothes. Hating me wont make you pretty to me is letting them know it doesn't make them better. They didn't brake me... You don't know my story...people don't understand why I trust no one... but now they know there is a story to be told. I now use my past to help others and in the end it has helped me with my past. Helped me become the daughter my dad is proud of. 

In 2014 I lost my best friend and grandmother. She was my everything. She told me I was HER BEAUTIFUL DISASTER.