Jacqueline's Story: Risen Like The Phoenix, Guarded Like The Wolf
My pieces began chipping when I was a child. I was sexually molested by a babysitter/so-called friend. During that same time, I was also sexually assaulted by a neighbor. The molestation occurred for about 3 years. The sad thing was that I preferred to be at her house and be molested, then to be at my house and be physically, emotionally and mentally abused. During those years I began to get sick, and doctors continuously focused on my weight, instead of finding out what was wrong with me. I was bullied by not only strangers, but by my own family due to my weight. I come from alcoholic family members which included my dad. I went through many of put downs and let downs. Once I was of age, I felt like I needed to prove myself. I needed to prove that I would be wanted and loved even though I was fat. From there came many emotionally and sexually draining relationships. As well as being raped from a so called friend, to being raped by my own fiance. With this so-called man, I went through physical abuse and even a moment in which he tried to kill me. I lost my dignity while trying to find myself for many years. During those years I became really ill. Now, my fight is the one that I fight internally. I now suffer with more than enough autoimmune disorders, amongst a whole slew of other illnesses. My body is constantly fighting itself on a daily. Causing my bones/my muscles/my heart/my liver/my kidneys/eyes/mouth/teeth to deteriorate little by little including crippling. Although I've gone through all this, I have fought tooth and nail to have my own life and independence. I tried my hardest to working up to three jobs while going to school and interning. I got so close to finally graduating and getting my diploma in college (as I was two courses away from graduating) I became ill and could no longer continue my education. In my struggles for a career academically I went through homelessness and hunger. All this happened while I was going through my process of messed up relationships and a messed up body.