To me that term implies strength and determination. A drive and desire to become better, more, stronger than you ever have been. A wreck waiting to be rebuilt, polished, and shine like new. I am a Beautiful Disaster.

About 3 years ago I discover the Beautiful Disaster brand and instantly fell in love with the name. The clothing just really sucked me in and I have been obsessed with them ever since.

I have fought long and hard to overcome the stigma that comes with mental health disorders. Ever since I can remember I’ve struggled with overwhelming anxiety and depression. As I’ve gotten older I have discovered that is not all that is “wrong” with me.

It took my younger brother, who I raised and viewed as my son, committing suicide last year to bring me to my knees and make me realize asking for help is not something to be ashamed of. But instead I feel proud and stronger because I was brave enough to stand up and ask for help.

Hearing family say “we thought this would’ve been you way before your brother” while seeing him in the hospital waiting to donate his organs struck something in me. I am not the only Beautiful Disaster. So was my brother. To this day I live every day in hopes of making him happy and proud. He was only 17 with his whole life ahead of him and I refuse to let his memory go to waste.

As a recovering addict it took everything in me not to turn to drugs to numb the pain and to just forget. But battling through, refusing to give in, refusing to give up, and trying to turn an ugly horrible situation into something inspiring is my goal. I educate people daily now on mental health and how important it is to talk about what is going on and what you feel. Especially teenagers. I have struggled with self harm, drug addiction, sexual abuse, mental health disorders, the extreme sudden loss of my brother and here I am today. Make up and fashion is my escape and passion. Education is my goal.

I have scars and stories and I know I am not alone.

Every one of us is a Beautiful Disaster. And we are all searching for someone’s Disaster who meshes with our own. It’s a good thing Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.



Original Submission: 8/8/15

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August 08, 2015