TW: Sexual Abuse

My story is not for the faint of heart. It all started the day I was conceived. My mom was dating my biological dad at the time and he forced himself on her and boom here I am. My mom wanted to abort me, but my grandparents would not have any part of that. So, my parents ended up getting married. My mom has always had resentment towards me because of this. We try our best though.

As an infant, they used to put beer in my bottles to get me to go to sleep. Both my parents did drugs and obviously drank alcohol a lot. My parents ended up separating when I was 5. By then, I had 2 more siblings and my mom ended up aborting twins because she was sleeping with my dad's best friend. At a very early age I started getting molested by various people - some family, some family friends. Some made me watch porn then they'd say this is what we're going to do. I've had various objects stuck in me and had to give blowjobs. There was one incident that caused me to say enough was enough and with my little cousins help I was able to escape at 6. My little cousin walked in on his brother trying to hurt me while he was babysitting us. It was October and storming outside. The rain was so damn cold. I ended up getting out the back door of the house and running naked to the bar my mom worked at and told her what happened. Naturally everyone else heard it too.

When my grandparents found out, they relocated us to another city. Little did they or anyone know that this problem would follow me. My dad's best friend and later his father began having their way with me. This man was super abusive to all of us - there were times I thought I was going to find my mom dead. They however ended up having 2 more children together. After their shit storm fights, he would leave and I would go downstairs in the middle of the night to clean up the mess of broken things and blood before my siblings would wake up for school. We didn't have a phone at home so I would go to the pay phone a couple of blocks away and call my grandparents.

They decided after my freshman year to move us back closer to them, but not too close because of the past. We only ended up living there for one school season because I was raped by one of our neighbors who was a coworker of my mom. My brother and our friends beat the crap out of this guy. When he went back to work all beat up, mom asked him what happened and he said he got jumped by a bunch of kids. Naturally, when she came home she and my step dad asked if I heard anything so I told them what happened. Then came the cops and blah blah blah... about a month after the incident occurred my step dad walked into a local bar and saw my mom sitting on this guy's lap. He walked out came home and told me about. That night I beat my mom - not a proud moment.

A few months after that, we went to family Easter. Mom just dropped us off. I was just over 15 then. My siblings were 13, 11, 5, and 4. I thought that this was my chance to save us. So I told everyone what was happening. We were taken from my mom and got labeled wards of the state. One of my sisters and I were place with an aunt and uncle, while the other 3 were placed with my grandparents. The 3 placed with my grandparents were safe, however, things were not good for my sister and I. Turns out my aunt's husband at the time was also a damn creeper. He tried to do stuff with me, but I wouldn't let him close enough to touch me. So, he started on my sister I never felt so bad in my life. To this day, I still think if I let him do it to me then my sister would have been safe. When I was 17 I tried to tell my aunt what was going on, but she called me a fucking liar, told me how dare I try to ruin her perfect life, slapped me across the face and told me to pack my shit and get out.

By the time my sister got home that day I was gone. They lied and told her I just packed my things and left and she wasn't allowed to contact me. She felt so abandoned and hurt - she was pretty upset with me for a very long time. So, to protect my sister, I reached out to the pastor of their catholic church and told him what was going on and I asked him to please save my sister. He did a private investigation which lasted about a year. By that time I was in Arizona and just had a baby I wasn't medically supposed to have. I get a call from my aunt blaming my sister and I for her life falling apart because they gathered enough evidence to have them go to court and excommunicated from the church. Because my sister had seen me go through court so many times in my life, she opted to not so he was only charged with grooming a minor. She relocated to my grandparents place. The reason I was medically not supposed to be able to have children was because after all the crap that happened to me as a little I ended up getting HPV. I now carry 9 strains that all cause cancer.

At 17 years old was the first time it was found and I had to do cryotherapy on my cervix. That's when I was told I would be too scarred to have children. I ended up having two boys by 21. After that I got my tubes tied because I didn't want to press my luck. 8 years ago the cancer came back. They removed 3/4 of my cervix and had to remove my gallbladder because there was a tumor in it that covered 1/3 of it. I was told that the cancer would come back every 10-15 years and it spreads every time. I was in therapy for most of my teenage years. It helped me learn how to forgive so I could live a more peaceful life but it never taught me how to have a healthy romantic relationship.

I've been married twice. First one was my children's father. Our marriage ended because he solicited an undercover prostitute and ended up in jail. He was a drug user, but didn't drink. My second marriage was to an over obsessive raging alcoholic. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with cancer that he decided to start wearing his wedding ring, go figure. We ended up buying a bar together, just what an alcoholic needed right? Our marriage swiftly went south from there. Our patrons always asked, "Heather how can you deal with all his belittling and drinking and still have a smile on your face every day while busting your ass to make his dream come true?". I replied every time many tears shed behind closed doors nearly every night. We are obviously divorced now and I left him with his dream - I just wanted out of the nightmare.

The judge told me I was crazy. I said there is no cost for the price of my freedom I just want out. Now I have this stupid on again off again relationship with a guy for 2.5 years now. When we first met, I was doing in home care working 100+ hours a week. As we approached one year he asked if I would please consider finding somewhere else to work so we could actually spend time together. It was true - I did need some balance in my life. So, I started working at a local gas station and he ended up moving in with me to help make up the difference to keep bills paid. Except when it came time to pay bills, he would then pick a fight and move out. He also was using drugs and lying about it, but I obviously knew. He is not living with me now so things are super stressful financially and there's no room in my budget for any extras at all. I have splurged on some of your products because they speak to me. I have a hoodie and matching pants including the pink Phoenix, the blue Butterfly shirt and matching shorts, and a pair of purple angel wing shorts.

I came across your clothing brand by pure fate. My boyfriend and I were having issues at the time and he left. Of course because I was so upset, I couldn't sleep so I was just browsing on my phone for some inspiration and one of your ads caught my eye. I opened it, read dang near everything on the page, including people's stories, and I thought thank you universe this is exactly what I needed right now. I was so inspired by others stories and your story about how your company came about so I purchased some of your products proudly. I wear them with great pride because Beautiful Disaster is who and what I am. Thank you for being an earth angel to so many!!

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January 14, 2022