I am a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER because of revolting men and can identify with the brand because it is wild & inspiring. When I was 9 I was sexually abused by my cousin who was 14 at the time. Every time my aunt and uncle would come to visit they would bring him and he would sexually abuse me every time. Nobody had any idea of what was going on...my parents still to this day don't know. I just can't bring myself to tell them. I tried writing letters to them thinking it would be easier but ended up throwing them away. 

The abuse continued up until I was about 12. I started dating when I was 18. He didn't treat me well and I dated a bunch of losers after him. When I was 20 I started dating someone who was in a band. I was into that bad boy type. I got pregnant and had my son at 21. We dated for about 4 1/2 years and it was absolute hell. When we first got together we were at a friends house. Everybody was sleeping but us 2. We were sitting on the couch and he was pretty drunk...he was an alcoholic. He took out his knife and ran it down my leg like he was going to cut me. I ran into the bedroom and locked the door and was going to go out through the window but for some reason I couldn't...I didn't have a car so I had no where to go. 
It only got worse from there. He would get drunk and pull his gun out on me, pulled my hair and pushed me while I was pregnant. One time he hit me in the back and I threatened to call the cops. We argued every day....and I cried every day. It was horrible. His father lived with us and would hear us arguing all the time. I hated arguing around my son...his dad ended up kicking me out because of it. Of course he ended up letting me come back like a day or 2 later. I didn't wanna leave because I was comfortable there and wanted my son to have both parents. After I moved back in things were cool for a while but then started up again. The arguing and the mental/physical abuse. After a while I started talking to a few people online and met someone who was in the military. He was so sweet to me and we would joke around all the time. We started to hangout and I saw how well he treated me. I knew I had to get out of the relationship I was in. 
I decided to leave him and started dating the guy I met online. We have been married for 10 years. He has never called me 1 degrading name in the book since we have been together, has spoiled me stupid (haha), and is amazing and very supportive to me. The only good thing I got out of my past relationship is my son who is now 14. His dad isn't around much and I just wonder what goes through my son's head at times. I know he has issues because of it and I hate that I can't fix it. I just hope that with time he will see the man who has been there for him since he was 3 and the man who hasn't.  
 I am a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER because of all that I went through. I have anxiety and depression but I just try to stay strong and keep on going...keep on being the BEAUTIFUL DISASTER that I am! 

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December 07, 2018