I want to start by thanking a member of the group Tamra harris. We may not have talked long but you gave me courage to do this so thank you.

Am I a Beautiful Disaster? Not sure. I love with manic depression and ptsd. I still have nightmares and cry a lot mostly when I'm alone.  Here it goes and please don't judge me I have had that done to me all my life. I just need to get this out some where. 

I was born and not wanted by my mother. I weighed under 2 pounds and was born very sick. My dad was told I wouldn't live past age 5 but here I am, at 40. My mother left my father when I was 5. Lied about my dad and he was sent to prison which I didn't find out till I was 15.  My mother told me he passed away. 

My mother was cheating on my father with a man that was physically emotionally and verbally abusive towards me and my sisters. She allowed that man to molest me from age 5 till I was 15. I ended up pregnant at 13 and told my mom and he threw me down stairs to cause a miscarriage. I was abused physically, mentally, and emotionally till I was 15. It took one last time of me trying to kill myself to end the nightmare I had lived since age 5.

My mother's boyfriend had raped me so bad and beat me so bad that when my mother saw me she asked what happened and she got told I fell and she believed it.  The next day I didn't go to school because I was hurt so badly. After school, my sister's didn't come home. I sat in the front yard with pictures of my sister's crying saying thank you to the pictures. My mother called the cops and tried to report them missing and they asked her to have me brought to the station. 

When I arrived, I got told it was over I wasn't gonna be hurt anymore. I was taken to the hospital and had a rape kit done where they found his dna.  I was then told my sister's where taken to foster care. I hugged the officer so tight and keep saying thank you and that I really didn't want to die I just wanted the nightmare to end and it finally did.

My mother did jail time for allowing it and he went to prison only to be released when my son was 5. We were suppose to be told before he was released and never were. He has been placed back in prison for doing it again to a mentally challenged girl which would have never happen if they would have keep him in a cage.  On top of my childhood I was in 3 abusive relationships the last one the guy almost killed me by placing a 30 pound weight on my neck. If it wasn't for my youngest son I would be dead. There is so much more I could add to this story, but the tears falling make it hard to write. It took a lot to put what I have here.  Just hope one day the nightmares end and the ones that hurt me get karma in the worst way.

Leave a comment

Please note: comments must be approved before they are published.

March 23, 2020