Broken Open, Not Broken: Heather’s Journey Through the Fire
WHAT MAKES YOU A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER?
I have said, “I’m perfectly imperfect,” many times before.
I realize that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. I identify with feeling broken. I feel I was broken open in giving others love they may have needed, while learning lessons that I needed.
I learned to love myself again, with boundaries stronger than empathy.
The emotions and passion I have inside me have kept me moving forward and through many fires I never imagined I’d have to endure.
“You Don’t Know My Story” rings so true. I absolutely love how it can also be paired with finding others who have been through the fire, who identify as a Beautiful Disaster, and who can share their stories with a tribe of similar souls.
WHY DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH THE BEAUTIFUL DISASTER BRAND?
I found this tribe and the Beautiful Disaster brand at the perfect time.
Yes, it was perfectly imperfect timing.
In the messiness of my life, I realized how much of a Beautiful Disaster I was. I realized I was beautifully broken.
I have come to understand how a seed is broken open to allow it to grow. Without that stress and break, it won’t germinate.
I realized I was broken as a verb, not as an adjective.
Like a seed, I was broken open by situations in my life, but I was not, am not, and will not be a broken woman.
These situations will not fully break me.
I identify with Beautiful Disaster because I’m beautifully broken and growing through the fires into a better version of myself.
I visualize how a seed dives deep into the darkness, growing roots while simultaneously pushing upward toward the light to bloom.
We need both.
We need our own work on ourselves, and we need the strength of a tribe.
I found that with the Beautiful Disaster brand and Tribe Stories.
TELL US YOUR BEAUTIFUL DISASTER STORY
I was about to turn 40.
Life was not how I had envisioned it.
I had been through 10 years of dating, 13 years of marriage, and watched so many family members face cancer—some who survived and some who didn’t win their fight.
I became a mother to a beautiful baby boy. I experienced a miscarriage right before our entire town flooded. Then I welcomed another beautiful baby boy and walked alongside him through surgeries for a cleft lip.
Now I was approaching 40, and I was divorced.
I was a single mother returning to the profession I had left when we started having children.
I wasn’t only grieving what had happened in my past. I was grieving the future I had envisioned for myself.
As a therapist, I know I don’t always take my own advice or walk my talk.
But this time, I did the work.
I focused on my healing and wellness so I could be the best I could be for myself and my boys.
Time passed, and eventually I was ready to start dating again.
I had grown through what I’d gone through.
I thought I had found the perfectly imperfect person who was a perfect match for my perfectly imperfect self.
We eased into dating and eventually introduced our children to one another.
After two years, things had gone so well that we made a big decision:
We would buy a house together.
I thought the next two years were simply the typical adjustments of creating a blended family—good times mixed with tough times. We were figuring out how to see each other every day, work, pay bills, run a household together, and raise four kids in middle and high school along with our pets.
Looking back, I realized my rose-colored glasses had hidden the red flags.
As a therapist, I knew the signs.
But I was in the midst of it.
I didn’t see the problems for what they really were.
Not until things became so bad during the last two years that I could no longer deny that his mental health and addiction issues were creating an unhealthy environment for all of us.
I started seeing the love-bombing for what it was. I realized I was in love with potential and with the person he wanted me to see.
But I was also seeing a side of this man that most other people didn’t know.
We are often taught to keep relationship concerns within the home and to love and support our partners through their struggles.
But he wasn’t taking responsibility or making positive changes for himself, our relationship, or the kids.
There was no reparation.
There was only more confusion, manipulation, control, emotional abuse, denial, defensiveness, outbursts, and broken promises that he would never touch me in a way that wasn’t loving.
Eventually, I could no longer ignore what was happening.
WHAT HAPPENED FOR YOU TO TURN IT AROUND?
I started therapy for myself again.
Mostly, it gave me scheduled time to focus on me—to see the patterns and process my thoughts, feelings, and actions in a way that made everything feel less like a jumbled mess.
I admitted to myself the toll our home environment and interactions were taking on my mental and physical health.
I let more trusted friends into the reality of my situation.
I began realizing that his reality, and the version of “us” other people saw, wasn’t based on facts. It was built on a fantasy.
Then I admitted something even harder to myself:
Our children were witnessing and learning from this.
This was not healthy.
He was not going to change.
So I had to change the situation.
After being kept awake for an entire night and having boxes of shoes thrown at me, I confided even more in a few trusted friends.
Then I gave myself one week.
One week to find a house to rent.
One week to plan our move.
I left.
After the push and pull of trying to detach from him, navigating shared friendships, and years of reports that resulted in no legal action, I went to civil court with evidence of past domestic violence and recent harassment.
I secured a four-year Harassment Restraining Order.
I chose myself, my children, and our peace.
NAME 3 THINGS YOU’VE DONE TO MOVE CLOSER TO HAPPINESS
- I have prioritized my basic needs for physical, mental, and spiritual wellness.
- I have taken the risk to start my own business.
- I have worked hard to love both myself and others—with boundaries. I purposefully keep my circle small and love those within a tribe who respect my authentic self.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BEAUTIFUL DISASTER COLLECTION, PAST OR PRESENT, AND WHY?
I saw the colorful and strong Phoenix, and then I read the back of the shirt:
“The fire inside me burns brighter than the fire around me.”
The emotions and passion I have inside me have kept me moving forward and through many fires I never imagined I’d have to endure.
I think often the first thing we are drawn to—whether it’s the first song from a new artist we discover or the first phrase from a poet or author—sticks with us in a very special way.
That is why the Phoenix will always be my favorite Beautiful Disaster collection.
I was broken open.
But I was never a broken woman.