Beth's Story: Never A Victim, Always A Survivor
January 10 2022
January 10 2022
The product line at Beautiful Disaster speaks volumes! I really don't remember anything 'great' about early childhood. My parents divorced when I was 11. There were a lot of complicated details including alcoholism, infidelity, lying, crying, physical and verbal abuse....I do remember those things.
My mom and I moved out of our home. My brother stayed with my dad. We moved into a small, 2 bedroom apartment. One night, a man knocked on the apartment door. It was my mom's boyfriend. (I didn't know she had a boyfriend.)
Before you know it, that man moved in with us. My mom was never home. She would work all day and then go to a local tavern with him at night. I was 11, scared, in an apartment alone until after midnight many nights. I would get cold tacos from a chain fast food restaurant almost daily.
Fast forward....this man was not that great. He was also an alcoholic. As time progressed, my mom matured and outgrew his behaviors. He is now a convicted felon. He robbed a bank at gun point.
Then, she found church and Dave #1. (Dave #2 is my Dave. My step dad. The other man that I have accepted and loved as a father!) Dave #1 was unbeknownst to us a paranoid schizophrenic. He stopped taking medication. As a senior in high school, he removed all the drywall from my bedroom down to the insulation because he heard bugs in the walls. In addition, he placed a lock, on the outside of my bedroom door. It was so unhealthy. My mom and I moved away from him in the middle of the night. All of those details are literally insane! Those are just 2 of many unhealthy situations we have been in.
As a teenager, I modeled my mom's relationships. I loved so hard, but never learned to love myself. I attempted to take my life when I was 18. I thought I would never be able to go on without my high school love. He chose a different girl, but he also kept me in his proverbial pocket. I thought he loved me. It was so very complicated.
I was then swooned by the 'bad boy' type. I hung out in horrible places. I saw people get shot, stabbed, beaten, arrested....this was not me, but I purchased my first home when I was 19 with this man and I was sure we would be together FOREVER. He was a cheater, a liar, a gambler, and really liked alcohol. I was working as a DialysisTech full time and a full time nursing student. I wanted more!
I met a man that I thought would change my life forever. I left my fiance and took a $10,000 loss on that house. I moved in with this sweet talking man. I, then, bought my second home. This man also enjoyed substances. It consumed his days and nights, but I saw the 'good' in him. He proposed to me and I accepted the proposal.
I started my second college degree. He hated that I returned to school. He hated that I worked hard and long hours in an ICU. He hated that I cut my hair once. He called me horrible names and berated me horrible that day. He hated that I loved my family; aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. He hated when I would wear specific bras and panties to work. He hated any time I would be outside of the home without him. He was the definition of a narcissist.
We were married a very long 7 years and together for about 14 years. Why? I will never be able to answer that question. I finished my third college degree. He claimed taxes twice in all the years we were together....work wasn't his thing.
I was now a graduated nurse practitioner. I applied for my DEA license. That night I discovered thousands of dollars missing from the bank account. I looked at the bank statements in disbelief. He was spending hundreds of dollars on pills each day. His father a police officer of greater than 30 years was aware....he said he would take care of the missing money.
This was the very first moment in my entire life that I stood up for myself. I had worked so hard for EVERYTHING. He lied repeatedly. He took my firearm and sold it. He took the money my deceased Grandfather left me. I WAS DONE....I was not just going to survive. I was going to MOVE on. I was finally going to LIVE!
I divorced him. I have NEVER looked back. I love my life now. I found my true love. We were married September 3, 2016. We had a son November 11, 2018. with the assistance of IVF. (Another roller coaster story altogether.)
I originally graduated nursing school in 2002. I have practiced as a Trauma Nurse Practitioner for almost 10 years now. My career has saved me in so many ways. I have always been a disaster. I really didn't believe I would ever find a man that treats me like my husband does!
I found Beautiful Disaster by simply scrolling. I was drawn instantly to the words Perfectly Imperfect. I really loved "You Don't Know My Story". Many people believe I've lived a free and happy life, but really I've worked for every happiness!
I am Beautifully Broken, Perfectly Imperfect, a Beautiful Disaster......
Beth Burns, 43 years old, mother of a 2 year old, dedicated and hopelessly devoted wife, public servant, professional healthcare provider, NEVER A VICTIM, ALWAYS A SURVIVOR!!!