Beautiful Disaster Tracy

Beautiful Disaster Tracy

Seven years ago on this very date Yes Valentines Day! I had to  make the hardest decision in my life and that was to take my husband of 16 years off of life support. He had been in the hospital since January so I had been taking care of our 13 year old son and working and like everyone else trying to hold up the house. On this day I was trying to make the best of it while working, I had even bought myself a shirt that said "I'm my own valentine" just to try and lighten things up mostly for myself I guess.

While I was at work I got a call knowing that when I looked at the number on my phone it couldn't possibly be good news and as I suspected it wasn't. The doctor said that his heart had stopped and they were doing their best to revive him and that I needed to get down there. So once again I was on my way keeping myself together so I could get myself there safely. I phoned the family and we gathered together and I told them that he is tired and that he is not the person we all know and love and frankly we were all tired. I got my son out of school and a friend brought him to the hospital and I had to tell him what was going on as he had  not wanted to come to the hospital much to see his dad hooked up to so many machines. It was hell.
I made the decision to take him off as he had had enough and would not have wanted to live the way he was and I myself was exhausted emotionally. He was surrounded by family and friends as he took his last breath. As one might suspect, the first year was pretty crazy trying to figure out what to do and hoe to do it, was I going to be able to keep my son in the home he had been in since the day he was born? How do I move forward? How do I start over?
As the years went on I changed so much at one point I even began to feel pretty and attractive even though I'm a "thick" girl I still somehow felt sexy and was starting to believe that it did not matter my size, that I was a beautiful woman. I wasn't sure how to move on I never really dated and didn't really know how. This world had changed so much since I was a teenager. I let some in my life and got burned, then one day while scrolling through social media I came across this tank top that said Beautiful Disaster OH MY GOSH!!! I, sitting by myself :) laughed and said HOLY SHIT this is so me and I have got to buy this tank.
After that purchase I was hooked. I wore that tank proudly and quite frankly with a bit of sass. It was the boost I needed. I feel that I have a long way to go as every year I seem to be a different person, Seven years later and I am still a single women and maybe there is a reason. What I do know is that I have become a bit stronger being more vocal and speaking up for myself.
This brand is inspiring. When the Phoenix gear came out I of course had to get me some because we all know that the Phoenix always rises and it gave me a sense of empowerment and strength. OMG and when the Loyalty gear came out !! Lord!!! I had to get that too! The words that are on that gear is PERFECT!! people do not know the meaning. I wear that gear a lot there is so much meaning behind it. I thank You Beautiful Disaster for giving me that boost. I will never forget the day I first saw that tank. It triggered something in me and I have to keep believing that one day I just might get mine. Live every day to the fullest and love who you are with, you just never know when your life will be turned upside down.
Thank you again Beautiful Disaster for everything you do and coming into my life. I believe there  is a reason for everything and there is always a positive to a negative if you open your heart and your mind you will find it. 
Thank you for listening as I have wanted to post on your blog for a long time now. 

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Comments

Tracy Key 9 days ago

Thank you so much. Becky you will find it. Journaling helps as well. One day at a time is all I can say.

Becky Knapp 10 days ago

I just recently found this group and found it very uplifting. Hiering them have really helped. I will get the courage to tell my story sometime. You are right live everyday like it the last.
Thank you so much

Karen Bermudez 10 days ago

What an great story of perseverance. Living life to the fullest because you will never know when it will be turned upside down just really resonates with me. This past January I went into ER with a headache and didn’t come out until 22 days later. The Drs found a brain tumor, I have been through 2 brain surgeries and am getting ready for 35 rounds of radiation starting tomorrow. My whole world has turned upside down. But, I am glad for the fact that I have been living life to the fullest and can look back and enjoy the memories of those things that I will not be able to do in the future.