Life hasn't been easy. From sexual assault to thyroid surgery life has been a roller coaster ride for sure, here is my story.

        My parents have been together since I was 5 I do not know my biological father. The man that raised me did a decent job until I hit middle school. I am the oldest of four siblings.  My mom bartended and I watched the kids. My father was either at the bar with my mom or drinking at home. He was always drunk. Then one night I was cleaning house mom was working and he was home. He came to me I think I was about 12-13 and grabbed me, told me you are acting just like your mom as he started touching me. He made me stop what I was doing and go sit by him. As he put his hands in my shirt and pants. This continued off and on for a couple months and then it just stopped. 

    Fast forward to almost 16, I was dating an older guy. I never had sex before and he decided that since we were dating he could do whatever he wanted to me. I lost my virginity by force and on top of that I got pregnant. I hid this pregnancy and the rape from my family for as long as I could. I was depressed, lost, and alone. I looked in to all my options being sixteen a junior in high school I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t give this child the quality of life it deserved. I felt I couldn’t have the life I wanted if I had this child. I looked in to abortion and fortunately for me and my child I couldn’t afford it. My mom finally figured it out when I was about 6 or 7 months along. I told her the story but also told her I didn’t want to pursue charges I didn’t want to go threw that pain. We started talking about my options. I could keep it, I could give ti up for adoption.  I decided adoption was our best choice. Well I was told the baby wasn’t leaving the family.

            My uncle had always wanted a boy and couldn’t have any more kids so I decide that if it was boy they would get him. I went with his wife and my grandma found out it was in fact a boy. Then my uncle’s wife stated that if she got him we would never see him and they would move away. That was not the point of this so I went on the search for someone else. My other uncle had three kids and one on the way but he insisted on taking him. I struggled after the birth with depression and suicidal thoughts. Here we are 9 years later he is my cousin and a wonderful little boy!!

            I finished high school joined the volunteer fire department and that where I met my husband. We have two beautiful little girls who don’t know my story but they are to little. This past year has been even harder. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer Im only 26 and had to have my thyroid removed and now I have to get my hormones straight. I am a crazy happy, bipolar person that I don’t know how to deal with much less my husband.

            I identify with the brand because I have always thought of myself as a beautiful disaster. I takes a lot to be in my shoes and my life has been a beautiful disaster. I have gone from being super high to super low. This roller coaster has been a fun ride.

            I have found that just trying to be positive and look on the bright side has helped me through it. I have gone to counseling and journaled. I have many journals to give that little boy when he is old enough to understand.

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April 24, 2020