America's Story: We WILL Survive
November 5 2021
November 5 2021
My life of pain makes me a Beautiful Disaster. Pain has been my constant companion and, even though so much of what I have experienced could have broken me, it did not. I had to choose to rise above it. I chose to love harder, to appreciate life more, to live in gratitude every day and to never take anything for granted. I choose to take the hard lessons and grow from them...even be thankful for them for what they teach me.
I identify with the Beautiful Disaster Brand because it represents REAL women who have gone through REAL trials, traumas and tribulations. Women who share their stories, their "rock bottoms", their hardest moments, their turning points and their triumphs to inspire and bring hope to other women who may still be struggling. Beautiful Disaster is all about Women Supporting Women. Empowering and encouraging each other that no matter what we go through, we WILL survive, grow and even glow through it.
Life has been brutal since I was 5 years old when my parents got together. My childhood as I knew it, was over. I was physically and sexually abused by my father, who was an alcoholic, until I was almost 17 years old. I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD and I've attempted to end my life several times. As an adult, I've been in and out of toxic or abusive relationships. In 2011, my world shattered when my 21 year old son ended his life and soon after, my granddaughter was parentally alienated from us. I spiraled by being hyper busy.
In 2014, I started Aztec dancing again and reclaimed my spirituality. It was helping, but at a bare minimum. Little did I know I was going to experience 6 years of the worst and most harmful relationship of my life! In 2020, I started studying to be an End of Life Doula, re-opening the unhealed wound of my son's death. Add to that COVID-19 and the end of my relationship with a narcissist and needless to say, I was at the brink of insanity and almost voluntarily committed myself to a mental hospital.
What happened for me to turn my life around was that I had to purge as much of my pain as I could. I had to let myself burn, to spiritually die in order to be reborn. I had to remember who I am, where I came from and I had to truly and deeply fall in love with ME. I had to offer to myself the kind of love that comes with light. Everyday I make myself a promise. I promise to heal and to take care of myself. From this rebirth, I created the LOVE LIFE! Brand. It's my way to honor my son's life...and death. It is where all my love for him goes. It represents healing, love, self-care, gratitude and growing through life's experiences. We also advocate for mental health awareness, normalizing therapy, mental health intervention and suicide prevention.
My life is still a struggle, but how I handle it is MY choice and how I choose to live it makes each day so much better. I completed my EOL Doula program and spend time with my beautiful granddaughter whenever I can. I make motivational, fun TikToks and strive to build up LOVE LIFE! Clothing. I'm in therapy and am getting better at protecting my spirit, reserving my energy for family and friends that appreciate the effort it takes to follow through with meet ups, staying connected and understand my need to have a lot of down time to re-energize.
My favorite item from Beautiful Disaster is Phoenix lll because it dropped about the same time I was recovering from my meltdown. I feel so connected to not only to the feeling of being reborn, but also to it's beauty and to it's wings held high. Truly, it touches my heart because I see the beauty in MY resilience, since my childhood to this moment, right now. I feel the strength of the Phoenix and I am proud that I have made it this far. I did not just survive. I THRIVE and I know deep down in my soul that no matter what else may happen to me in life, I will always RISE UP from the ashes.