I am 43 years old, and I lost my infant son at birth to begin with. He was stillborn about 20 years ago, and every November, I struggle with wishing I had my son and with thinking it was a blessing in disguise. My son’s father was my first husband, and he was a verbally and emotionally abusive man. He controlled damn near every aspect of my life for almost a decade until I finally got the courage to leave when he started getting physically abusive to me. I had a friend who was willing to help me pack what I could in my car and drive away. He used to control what I ate, how much, when. Who I talked to, what I wore, how much I could spend, what I could do. It was like living in hell. I always wanted to ride a motorcycle, and my ex used to tell me I was too short and not coordinated enough to do that. Well, the joke is on him! I have been riding for about 8 years now, and I have an Indian Chieftain Darkhorse. I have spent the last 12 years of my life since leaving him working on being a stronger, more confident woman.

I still struggle to this day, but I also have a BD sister, Sondra, that has been a great support for me as well as me for her. She is going through her divorce from a controlling, emotionally & verbally abusive man herself, and her and I initially met because we both had BD clothing on and started talking. We became friends about 3 years ago and have become like sisters. I flew to Colorado to support her while she went through breast cancer surgery, and she has supported me in my emotional times.

BD represents all of us who have been handed shit hands in one way or another, and it encourages us to stand strong and proud of who we are. If it had not been for BD, I might not have one of my very best friends in my life.

My life has been a roller coaster of emotions and trials. Between losing my child, two divorces (the second husband cheated on me), and a sister that is just like my first ex-husband, I have learned to set boundaries and stick to them! I have grown in my own self-worth and even done a boudoir shoot!

My life is a constant battle of remembering my worth and staying positive. I have a very patient man in my life now that does love me for me, and I have to work every day to believe that he won’t do to me what has been done in the past. Sondra has become my BFB, Best Fucking Bitch, and Beautiful Disaster has been the connection between us.  I had to include her in my blog photo, she's on the left and I'm on right! 

I can’t choose just one favorite item, but my wallet is with me every day, so it reminds me to be strong and that I am not the only one out there that has traumas. I also have a tattoo that says Beautifully Broken because damn it…I may be broken in some ways and may never fully heal, but I am a beautiful woman who cares deeply and deserves to achieve my goals.

Thank you to Christina and BD for all they do! The inspiration that comes from all the different sets is amazing! My closet is full of BD apparel and Indian Motorcycle clothing!!!


Jennifer said:

You are a very strong beautiful woman I think a lot of us to this day struggle but now we have an outlet to make our way through it. You take it day by day and you can do anything

Sheila said:

I lost my son when he was 22. I too have been in very abusive relationships. I swore off dating last 16 years. I got two motorcycles.. I’m forever broken. My son and hus gurlfripases in tragic carvwteck Christmas 2014. His friend hung himself after the funeral. Everyday isca battle. The roar of that bike gives me peace

Robin Van said:

You are one amazing chick! Inspiring and strong, don’t ever forget that. Thank you

Mary Ann said:

I too left a severely abusive husband. Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. Thank goodness for this tribe!

Blue Witch said:

That’s similar to part of my story. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Both of you beautiful ladies stay positive and wonderfully strong!

Lisa Hawk said:

Beautifully said. I can so so relate on many aspects as I have also had many people in my life who I trusted that have hurt me in such away as literally feeling like having my back stabbed. Yes I’m beautifully broken too. Thanks Beautiful Disaster clothing line. I feel such an amazing connection to you all.

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January 07, 2024