Wendy Mudrinich: She Stopped the Pattern of Abusive Relationships
Hello, My name is Wendy. When I was a child I was constantly belittled, blamed for everything, and verbally abused by my father. My mother would never stick up for me because she never wanted to get my father angry. It was more important to her for him not to be angry with her than it was to stick up for her child. There were times when I was ask for innocent things such as a glass of milk before dinner. This would get him angry and he would make me sit and drink all the milk in the house. When I threw up it made him even angrier. He would often tell me that if I were a boy he would "put me through the wall" many times. Once again my mother never stepped in to intervene. Things like this would carry over into different relationships I would have as I grew up. Always seeking out the "abusive" ones.
I've been told (and this is showing my age) that I was not worth the $15 long distance phone charges. All because I wasn't ready, at the age of 14, to have sex. I dated a guy who's friends would sexually harass me, belittle me, physically lay a hand on me and he would do nothing about this. These same guys would also accuse me of cheating on them. Whenever a guy would say hi to me they would ask, "Who was that? Why did he say hi? Are you sleeping with him?" All of this accusations just to find out they were the ones who were cheating on me.
There have been guys in between that have sexually harassed me and done unspeakable things that are hard for me to say. It had been very difficult for me to find a true relationship. Someone who wanted me for me. My self worth was nonexistent, I didn't know what it was like to have true love. The people who were supposed to care about me...didn't.
Then one New Year's Eve 1994/1995 I met a guy who seemed different. I couldn't explain how, it just felt different. I was more cautious with him and he didn't push. This was something new for me, I didn't know what to expect. We had gone out on a date and it was nice. He held the doors open for me, let me go in front of him, and he was so polite.
We had dated for a few months and then moved in with each other. Soon after that he asked me to marry him, and then I found out I was pregnant. This happened all within the year of 1995, all very quickly. Then things took a turn for the worse. I was devastated when he started to treat me like I was supposed to be a 1950's wife. Then he started to become verbally abusive. What have I done?!? I got myself into another relationship that was unhealthy and this time I was pregnant. Something in me changed, it must have been the baby. I started to grow a backbone and stood up for myself AND my baby. No one was going to do to my child what was done to me. I was going to be damn sure that this child's father was going to be a man.
Toward's the end of the pregnancy he changed a little for the better. Enough for me not to kick him to the curb. Then my son was born and all was well for a while. When my son was a year old we got married and things were good. Then my son was walking and talking. My husband expected my son to "be a man" when he got hurt. I stepped right in and said "he's just three years old, he's NOT a man!!" After a while I made the difficult decision to separate from my husband for my son's sake. NO ONE was going to treat my child the way I was child.
We were separated for three months and within those months my husband got therapy and medicines. I allowed him to come back after he proved he changed. I made sure that if he even started to go back to his old ways that I would put a stop to it real quick.
I have also been in therapy for 20 years to work on my issues as well as helping my two children. I now have two beautiful children, one son and now one daughter. Both are autistic and I am their biggest advocate. NO ONE will treat them badly and I make sure that they get the help and encouragement that the deserve. I make sure my children get what I never did...respect, security, and lots of love.
Today my family is doing amazing and I am still married to the same man because I fought hard for what I wanted and what was right. I did not give up on my family and I did not allow anyone to belittle each other. We are all worthy of love and respect.
Beautiful Disaster screamed at me like "this is everything that I need to hear!!!" It's okay to be perfectly imperfect, My fire inside does burn brighter that the fire around me. I had to buy the Phoenix shirt first because that is what spoke to me the most at that moment. I have a feeling I will be buying more.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. It is very therapeutic to share and get some of this off my chest.
Much love and respect,