Nirvana Spivey: Raising A Child With Her Abuser

My story isn’t for those who would like to hear a happy ending. My story is full of sad and upsetting things throughout it. Right when you thing it will get better it doesn’t. So here it goes. 

Life has not been easy for me. When I was 15 years old, I started dating a guy I thought was great. He was great at first but after a while became different. Controlling even. Every time I went to his house he would take my cell phone and keep me in his room.  I was not allowed to leave with out him anywhere. I couldn't talk to anyone ether. I used to have to text my own mother from a website telling her to call me in order to talk to her. After a while it escalated to physical abuse. If I left his room and he found out I would be hit me until he felt that I understood what I did wrong. He would keep me there until I healed so no one knew. I've been hit with a bat a few times and still have the dips in my head as proof. One day it went as far as rape… Yeah I know great right. I got away by telling him I moved without notice because of my dad.

Now you think I am away from him its gonna be great right… Think again. After a few months I meet someone new. Things were great, we fell in love. We were great together. We went places together, he treated me right. I was happy. We dated for 6 months - that’s when we found out and my world was back upside down. As I went to get on birth control I now found out I was pregnant. Only thing was is at my appointment I found out I was 6 month pregnant. Guess who the father was…. Yup the ex, the abuse. I did the right thing and told him. My reply text was “That sucks for you.” Which I have never forgot. I told my current boyfriend. He was so unhappy he asked other people to rip it out of me, or to punch me as a joke, but to me it wasn’t a joke.  We stayed together up until the baby was born. Then he left me and only texted when he wanted sex.

From that moment on I was a single mother.  As torn up as I was I became a single teen mother with no one. My heart had been ripped out. I did not handle any of this well. I turned to drugs and gave my son over to my sister until I could get better. It took me some time but after 5 months I got my crap together and took my son back. In this time I went for child support to help take care of my son. Then I didn’t know that would be the end of mine and my sons life. Ever since I have been dealing with his father trying to take control of my son. He likes to make me and my son's life hell. He won't allow him to join sports, he can't do many things. My son cries to me a lot because of this. His father is only trying to hurt me by using my son. The things his dad does in no care of what is best for him is endless.

I got to the point where I was confident enough to talk about the rape. I reported it and explained why it took me so long. The cops laughed at me literally. No one believed me even when I let them feel the dips in my head and they still didn’t believe me cause they said I would have came up sooner. No one knows what it feels like to have to co-parent with a man who got away with abusing you and raping you. Raising the child that was a product of this everyday. I am a Beautiful Disaster because of this and much more I have been through in my life.

I still keep my head up and do what I need to do as a mother. I take care of him. I have since have had 2 more kids. Now with a narcissistic man… that’s a whole other story. But I have grown and learned to adapt to my situation. I take care of my kids and love them all.  I work hard everyday and work for everything I have. I have been working towards being a tattooed model and when I achieve it I will be able to show my kids that no matter what you go through you can make it through and find the happy things in life.

One day I'll make it and prove this for them. Thank you for reading my story : )