On October 31, 2015, I got a call from my mom saying that my son had gotten into an argument with my dad and that my dad was gone. The minute I write this the screams and shock come flooding back to me. I could not understand in that two minute phone call just exactly how turned upside down life would become.
My husband and I had met on a deployment to Afghanistan, we had both been in seriously abusive marriages for years, and I truly believe that I met him because God knew what he had planned to put in my path and knew I needed my husband for that long hard journey. My son had gotten into trouble as a teenager and when I deployed he moved in with my parents. My mom and dad were being pulled in directions with having my son in their home and my disabled Uncle also living there. They were starting to have marital troubles. My son and Daddy basically were getting into disagreements, but nothing too serious. On my eldest brother's birthday - my parents took him to a Casino in Louisiana. My Daddy had a medical procedure a week prior and was on serious medications, he was mixing the medication with alcohol while at the casino. When he came home, he got into an argument with my son & my mom. My Daddy had went into his room to load a gun to shoot my son. My mom followed him into the room and they were physically fighting over the gun. Instead of leaving my mom - my son remained. My mom fought with my dad for over 30 minutes of hell behind those doors. She opened the door because she thought my son was arguing with his friend that was outside the door. When the door opened, my mom and Daddy came through very fast. The friend yelled “he has a gun” and my son ended my Daddy’s life with a knife to his artery. My Dad died instantly. My mom & my son were in shock. They called the police and they arrested my son for Murder.
My husband drove with me in the floor board of his truck, unable to even do anything but cry and scream. It was a five hour trip that I cannot even remember. It seemed like it took us 10 minutes to get there. We got home and picked up my Mom from my brothers house. We went home and my Mom was in shock too - so she said we needed to clean up the house for my last act for my Daddy. We went in and the next thing I knew I was covered from head to toe in my Daddy’s blood. We were trying to clean up the mess because my Daddy had bled out. I think this is what caused my PTSD, because hind site- it was horrifying that we did this.
The next day, I called my doctor and explained what happened and asked for something to help me get through this situation. That’s when my real issues started. Two months later my Uncle that lived with parents, passed away too.  Fast forward 6 months later, my son was waiting in County for his trial, my Mom and I were not speaking, I had three different doctors that had me on over 15 different medications. I was completely non-functional. I could not work, think or function at all. My sons trial was finally 1 year later, by that time I was on even more types of medications. I had gained over 60 pounds and as a complexity different person from when any of this happened. I had visual flashes of morbid things happening all the time. I was sleeping all day and up all night. As soon as the Judge sentenced my son the life in prison, I checked myself into the hospital because I knew I was not going to be able to handle what was next and I was afraid of myself at that point. I was there for one week while they adjusted my medications and changed things around. I walked out of there and the next night, I took a shower and when I got out- I walked into the hallway in my house and passed completely out. I hit my head on a dresser and then at the ER, they told me that I was in stage 4 renal failure.
All of the medications had caused my kidneys to shut down. I also found out I was pregnant. I lost the baby two weeks later. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped all of the medication- it was horrible. I could not function for almost two weeks. My brain was in a fog. I can barely remember the events. I was done with all of the medications and this was the start of my next chapter. I was learning to maneuver through being the best Mom that I could be with my son having to deal with being in prison. I began to do prison ministry with a group and was learning how to handle the new life I was given. I started focusing on my well being and leaning techniques to get passed my triggers. I worked on my health and within 1 year, I lost over 110 pounds and started helping others to become healthy. I lead a Keto group on social media that is to help others get healthy too. My marriage is strong as ever, my relationship with my Mom and family flourishes. My son is healthy and strong. My daughters are well and I am stronger than I have ever been in my life.
I found the Beautiful Disaster line in my social media feed. I realized it was ME! I am a Beautiful Disaster. My goal is to help show others with Post Trauma that they can make it and survive. They can overcome the triggers without medications permanently. I have my Beautiful Disaster stickers on my Jeep, that show- You Don’t Know My Story. I wear my outfits and when someone stops me to tell me they love my clothes and where did I get them- I share that I am a survivor of PTSD and that where they can buy them too! I love the clothing line and all that is stands for. I am truly a Beautiful Disaster and proud to say I have survived my trauma and will make it through the next! We all have disasters - it’s how we make them beautiful that matters.
Thanks for letting me share.

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June 11, 2021