Laurie's Story: Things Will Get Better

Hi, my name is Laurie and what makes me a Beautiful Disaster is all the hardships my life has been through.  I identify with the Beautiful Disaster brand because I am a survivor. I am stronger today because of what I've been through. I could write a book.  Life has been a struggle. I work very hard for everything.  I was a real life Cinderella. The house was never clean enough. My mom is a narcissist. She was between on and off being a single mother. Her and my dad (not my biological dad) were on and off. He wound up cheating on my mom. Finally, they separated for good when I was probably 22 or 23. My sister was in eighth grade at the time. I'm 42 now. We were poor. I struggled with taking care of my little sister, the house and school. It was very hard. I was very shy and sheltered. I couldn't go out much because I had to stay home and take care of my sister. I was still at home with my mom up until 2013. I met my now husband in 2009 and got married on July 6, 2013. It wasn't until I moved out that my mother actually apologized on how she treated me. She saw how much I actually did around the house.  Things were good for awhile until one day I got a letter from her.  We had a really nice mother and daughter day. At the end of that day, she hands me a letter. She tells me here read this when you are in a good mood.  After reading it how is anyone supposed to be in a good mood? The letter claimed that my husband and I owe her over 35,000 dollars for her helping us out. We had to file bankruptcy because of her. She had cards with me as a secondary person. She would say just buy it or get for your sister we will worry about it later.  Things on the list were ridiculous. Yes she actually had a list of everything she thought I and/or my husband owed her. She had a bed on there. I asked her which bed. Her reply was "oh I think it was one of your first beds". Every bed that my husband and I had we bought. So I amuse a childhood bed. Another ridiculous thing was my first car at 21 because I was a good daughter and it was a birthday present.  She tells me, "oh you don't know this, but I was making payments to your uncle". I would have been fine making payments if it were discussed before, but it was a gift and she does this many years later.  Part of her being like this is because my husband and I went through a mini separation because we lived with his mother who was a holder. We basically had a bedroom and a bathroom. No room for anything really. I felt like we were roommates with benefits.  His mom would knock on our bedroom door for my husband to help her with stuff sometimes waking us up. She had mice. My cats which are indoor cats got fleas twice. I was very upset because we hardly had money, now I had to buy expensive flea and tick meds. We got in an argument one day. So I moved in with my mom again. I was with her for 6 months saving for a place. We almost were thinking about divorce, but we loved each other. Started talking and seeing our priest for advice. We realized that we both needed to get away from our mothers and that we needed to communicate better. One thing I learned from my parents is how not to be. I also realized that no one can read minds. A thing my mom used to do was be like, "oh he should know why I'm mad" for my dad. No, that's not true no one knows until you can communicate it.  While my husband and I were going through this, my mother tries to set me up with her friends son that I had known since childhood, but do not like him that way, plus I'm married - not cool.  Anyway,  I was looking for an apartment since my mom was having a guy, now her new husband, move into this tiny apartment she had. I felt weird even though she said that I could stay. I wasn't about to live with her and this guy I don't know very well.  So I found a place and told my husband I got a place if you want this marriage to work we need our own place or I do. He said that he loves me and let's get it. So we been at our place for like 4 or 5 years now. Things improved and we are now more closer and in love than ever. It has been hard though too. I had 3 miscarriages. One of which my mom kept saying "are you sure?" instead of omg thats great. One where my sister who is 10 years younger was also pregnant hers stuck mine didn't.  She gave me a look like I was stealing her thunder when I tried talking about it. There was a heartbeat. It was alive. I had a living being inside me, so it does count. The last one was real bad. I wound up in the hospital. Had to have 3 blood transfusions and a surgery. Before that I had a septate uterus where tissue never fused apart for room for a baby and a deep V that had to be sewed up. I had that fixed. Lost my left fallopian tube because it wasn't functioning, got diagnosed with diabetes type 2. Money wise we were doing pretty good. My husband had a lot of it and we were making it, until now.  My mother in law needed hip and knee surgery after both got infected. She has been wheelchair bond. My husband had used all his sick days and has been taking days off to take her to doctor and hospital appointments. It is really hurting our finances. We are behind on rent and bills. Slowly trying to catch up. I got hurt over a year ago at my old job. I work with adults with special needs and disabilities. 2 ladies fell using a gait belt and my hands were still on the gait belt and then a lady in a wheelchair fell on both my hands after almost sitting on me instead of waiting for me to pull her wheelchair closer after using the restroom. I been back and forth with workers comp. Finally I recently had surgery for my left hand. I had de quervain's tenosynovitis, carpal tunnel and arthritis in the thumb. I still need it for my right hand as well. I been out of work for 4 weeks now. I still haven't gotten a workers comp check, I'm hoping I get 2, but nothing yet. This is also hurting our finances, but it needed to be done because I've had so much pain. Especially the left hand which was much worse. I couldn't turn my hand a certain way or open a bottle of water without it hurting. Good news is that I got a new job since May and they been really good with me having to be offended work. I now work with kids with special needs and disabilities, but higher functioning. Also, I have my biological dad in my life as well as my dad who raised me since I was six years old. My mom and my biological dad divorced when I was six. I'm taking it day by day and praying. We are months behind in rent. I don't know how we will catch up. I'm praying that my husband's job gives overtime again to help.  ..... A great idea for a shirt would be a saying like "Take it one day at a time and pray with God" with a cross and rosery with purple roses, hearts and praying hands in black background top and lavender purple or light purple or violet raglan short sleeve and 3/4 sleeves.  Also, like the famous Audrey Hepburn said," Nothing is impossible, the word it self says I'm possible" that would be a good shirt. Maybe put that on the back of the same shirt. This year has kicked our butts. My favorite Beautiful Disaster shirt is hard to say, but I love the Phoenix one and the dream catcher one because I'm strong, smart, and rise from the ashes. I keep going and I have hope and faith that things will get better.  The dream catcher because it's beautiful and I'm part Native American. Aztec Native American, Mexican, Swedish and Polish.