TW: SA and Abuse

I never thought I would fall into a domestic violence situation.  I came from a good home with loving parents and two close sisters. However, I married a man that I thought was great.

He was in the army, so I thought he could provide for a family. He was so sweet and I thought so handsome.  It took him a couple years to manipulate me into being the broken, obedient, woman he wanted. He cheated, he threw things, he yelled and belittled me, even threatened me with an axe in front of our children.  I think the worst part was when he raped me while I was seven months pregnant with our son.

In the end, he left and it broke me further that I didn't leave him. The cycle has continued for years and led me down a dark path of self loathing.  I got into another relationship years later where the man tried to strangle me to death. I survived by hitting him in the head with a hard back book until he let go. The event that turned my life around was very traumatic. My boyfriend at the time took my car to see his mistress and I wanted it over. I had tried to make him leave several times, but he kept coming back. I borrowed a friends car to get my keys from him, but the breaks didn't work like I was used to and I crashed her car. That caused a mental break and I blacked out. While blacked out, I was told I got in my own car and chased the boyfriend down with it. I did not hit him and I believe I was trying to scare him off, but I got a record from it and spent a night in jail. Never again will I let anything go that far.

It is hard to reconcile the hurt that has been done to me and forgive myself for allowing it. After many years of self discovery, I am learning to forgive myself. With forgiveness comes self love. That is what makes me a Beautiful Disaster. 

I have lived through disaster and now am living the beauty.  I love how inclusive the Beautiful Disaster brand is. When I first signed up, I got daily messages that I am worthy and gorgeous.  They often came when I needed them most. Now, I am just a mama trying to raise my kids to be kind, honest and generous.

I work hard, pay my bills, own my house and have two cars. I hope that my experience can help another woman get out before it is too late. My story has potential to save a life so I unashamedly tell it. The two items I love the most from BD are the yoga pants and the hoodies. They are so comfortable and designed so well! I get so many compliments when I wear the BD brand. Thank you! 

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April 05, 2022