From His Control to My Comeback: KatieKat’s Rise from the Ashes

What Makes You a Beautiful Disaster?
I'm a Beautiful Disaster because I survived years of abuse, and instead of giving up, I rose from the ashes of my former self to become the most authentic, unapologetic version of me.

Why Do You Identify with the Beautiful Disaster Brand?
I was trapped in the cycle of abuse. I know what it's like to live for another person and try to be their perfect vision. All of these caused me to lose pieces of myself. I was always what he wanted me to be. I was the meek, subservient wife.

In the end, I got the narcissist discard, which was the hardest thing I've had to overcome — but it was also the biggest blessing in disguise. Without the discard, I never would have found the true me. I never would have found the strength to stand up for myself. I never would have seen the beauty within or been able to share it with anyone.

Tell Us Your Beautiful Disaster Story:
I was with my ex-husband for a total of 15 years. He was my first real relationship. I went into it giving every piece of myself I had. It wasn't a happy existence, but I thought it was — until a few months before the discard.

After COVID, I got restless when it came to his false promises of adventures around the world. He left on a two-week business trip to Tel Aviv and told me I couldn't go due to COVID. When he was there, he told me he wished I had wanted to go. That was the first time I stood up to his gaslighting and said, “No, YOU were the reason I couldn't go — not me.”

Over those two weeks was when I noticed that, for the first time, I could come home and just be. It was unnerving how much anxiety I had when at home. After he came back, I found myself wishing he had stayed gone.

One afternoon, he told me the marriage was failing. He wasn't happy and didn't know if he ever loved me. All physical affection was put to a stop. I had to ask for a simple hug. He said he couldn't have sex with me because — and I quote — “it would be to just get off,” which would give me the wrong idea that our marriage could be saved. He didn’t want to waste any more of his time, so therapy wasn't in the cards.

I lived like that for about a month without any physical touch or general kindness. I felt like a complete failure, because I was supposed to be the only one to provide that for him — and he didn’t want me.

Alcohol became my only friend. It held me close and made the pain lessen — until I drank almost a fifth in a few hours. I was lost in my isolation and began hurting myself, because I was a failure.

He saw my pain, and instead of helping me, he used it as a reason to finally leave. He was the victim to my insanity. He was the loving husband who couldn’t deal with my mental instability. It was always my fault. He was perfect, and I was unfixable.

What Happened for You to Turn It Around?
After he left, I ran. I went to live with my family and did multiple therapy sessions each week. I started divorcing him. I learned what made me a target for these men, and I made a promise to myself to NEVER again be someone else's toy. I would learn all I had to — to value myself and see behind the façade that abusers hide behind.

Name 3 Things You’ve Done to Move Closer to Happiness:

1. I learned to love myself and recognize all that I have to offer.

2. I became stronger and found my voice.

3. I refuse to let anyone put me down and make me feel small.

What Is Your Favorite Beautiful Disaster Collection, Past or Present, and Why?
My favorite is Cycle Breaker. You can't rise from the ashes until you break the cycle of abuse. It's the first — and hardest — step you have to take. Breaking their control is the scariest thing I've ever done, but it's also been the most rewarding.